When EVERYONE says it, sometimes it's true...

Ever since I joined h2o Kent State back in... well it was a while ago, the men in my life couldn't believe that I had never read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. So many of those men told me I need to read it. So 4 years later I sat down to finally read it. I am currently through chapter 5... Man I wish I had read this book back in high school. This book has given me an astounding look into my heart and who I am as a man. Seriously, any men out there should read this. Any women out there, it wouldn't hurt. This will definitely give you an interesting look into the heart of men, or maybe more specifically your own. If you are like me, there is in fact a movie by the same title. I wouldn't watch the movie instead of read the book however, because they are completely different. Mainly because one is a book about the heart of men and one is a movie about two lovers being hunted by her crazed mothers hired assassin (I haven't seen in btw just a synopsis from IMDb). But I'm on a rant about how good the book is and I am by no means a book critic. So let me get down to this.

As it turns out, every boy growing up looks for the answer to the question, "Am I a man? Do I have what it takes?" Throughout the book it talks about how our fathers are the ones who tell us that we are men. This is not blaming my father, because he is an awesome man who did an excellent job in raising me and my siblings. However, he is not perfect. Somewhere a long the line I stopped turning to my father to see if I'm a man. Like so many men I turned to women to tell me that I am a man. To tell me what I have what it takes. But like John Eldredge says, if we turn to "Eve" for the answer to THE question, it will break my heart every time. Looking back over my high school years and even through most of college, that is who I turned to. It's just interesting to think that if I had read this book back then, maybe I'd be that much closer to being a man instead of a boy who is finally on his way to be man. Regardless, It happened. John Eldredge also says that every time we turn to women to answer that question, it will end in addiction or emasculation. I'm sure like many men who have read this book before me, I felt like he was simply retelling me what happened throughout my journey to where I am now. Addictions sexually especially for me. And every time I start to doubt the fact that I am a man or that I have what it takes I turn back to those. As my future is in limbo and I don't know what is going on next and I'm worried about life, I feel myself start to gravitate back towards those addictions. Why? because I need something to tell me I am a man and I have what it takes. Even though that is a temporary fix and will not last.

Anyhow, I'm not going to sum up the whole books, because I wouldn't do it justice and I would miss so much that was meant to touch another mans heart. Maybe I wrote this blog simply for my own understanding of my own heart. Maybe it was because I simply needed to say it "out loud". But this is where I am. I am starting on a battle to win back my heart. A heart formed after God's masculine side. The dangerous side. The passionate side. The side that will fight. 

For my brothers out there that realize that Christianity doesn't save you from all this, welcome to the front lines. The men (not the boys the MEN) of the church. It's times to stand up, it's time to fight back, it's times to regain the hearts of men. One of the most important things I've gained from my reading is this. There is a reason every wound is a precision shot to our weakest spot. It's not a mere accident that Satan targets those. He does it because he's terrified and he knows what will hurt us the most. He knows that if we men finally regain our masculine hearts that we can do some serious damage. Well boys... it's time to become men. I know this is true in my life. Time to unleash a dangerous God in my life. 

In Christ's love,

Optimistic Prime