When EVERYONE says it, sometimes it's true...

Ever since I joined h2o Kent State back in... well it was a while ago, the men in my life couldn't believe that I had never read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. So many of those men told me I need to read it. So 4 years later I sat down to finally read it. I am currently through chapter 5... Man I wish I had read this book back in high school. This book has given me an astounding look into my heart and who I am as a man. Seriously, any men out there should read this. Any women out there, it wouldn't hurt. This will definitely give you an interesting look into the heart of men, or maybe more specifically your own. If you are like me, there is in fact a movie by the same title. I wouldn't watch the movie instead of read the book however, because they are completely different. Mainly because one is a book about the heart of men and one is a movie about two lovers being hunted by her crazed mothers hired assassin (I haven't seen in btw just a synopsis from IMDb). But I'm on a rant about how good the book is and I am by no means a book critic. So let me get down to this.

As it turns out, every boy growing up looks for the answer to the question, "Am I a man? Do I have what it takes?" Throughout the book it talks about how our fathers are the ones who tell us that we are men. This is not blaming my father, because he is an awesome man who did an excellent job in raising me and my siblings. However, he is not perfect. Somewhere a long the line I stopped turning to my father to see if I'm a man. Like so many men I turned to women to tell me that I am a man. To tell me what I have what it takes. But like John Eldredge says, if we turn to "Eve" for the answer to THE question, it will break my heart every time. Looking back over my high school years and even through most of college, that is who I turned to. It's just interesting to think that if I had read this book back then, maybe I'd be that much closer to being a man instead of a boy who is finally on his way to be man. Regardless, It happened. John Eldredge also says that every time we turn to women to answer that question, it will end in addiction or emasculation. I'm sure like many men who have read this book before me, I felt like he was simply retelling me what happened throughout my journey to where I am now. Addictions sexually especially for me. And every time I start to doubt the fact that I am a man or that I have what it takes I turn back to those. As my future is in limbo and I don't know what is going on next and I'm worried about life, I feel myself start to gravitate back towards those addictions. Why? because I need something to tell me I am a man and I have what it takes. Even though that is a temporary fix and will not last.

Anyhow, I'm not going to sum up the whole books, because I wouldn't do it justice and I would miss so much that was meant to touch another mans heart. Maybe I wrote this blog simply for my own understanding of my own heart. Maybe it was because I simply needed to say it "out loud". But this is where I am. I am starting on a battle to win back my heart. A heart formed after God's masculine side. The dangerous side. The passionate side. The side that will fight. 

For my brothers out there that realize that Christianity doesn't save you from all this, welcome to the front lines. The men (not the boys the MEN) of the church. It's times to stand up, it's time to fight back, it's times to regain the hearts of men. One of the most important things I've gained from my reading is this. There is a reason every wound is a precision shot to our weakest spot. It's not a mere accident that Satan targets those. He does it because he's terrified and he knows what will hurt us the most. He knows that if we men finally regain our masculine hearts that we can do some serious damage. Well boys... it's time to become men. I know this is true in my life. Time to unleash a dangerous God in my life. 

In Christ's love,

Optimistic Prime

A Call To Return

I had all but given up on this blog. Why would people want to hear what I have to say? What do I have to say that is important at all? What makes me think that I should do this? I had missed a few weeks, then a few more, and eventually I decided it wasn't worth going back to it for the afore mentioned reasons. But recently I have been reading a book called Wild At Heart. (I know finally right?) Regardless I have and it has been an eye opening read thus far.

For those of you who have not read this book, it talks about the heart of a man and where it is not and what it was truly created for. Essentially, we were not created to be these wishy-washy Christian men who have little passion. The true heart of a man can be summed up as wanting an adventure to live, a battle to fight, and a beauty to win. It was just an incredibly interesting look into the heart of a man and what, even the church, has made it become. All this to say, I started to wonder what my passions are and where my desires lay. That's when this blog popped into my head. Regardless of how I feel about the relevance of blog, God laid it on my heart a year ago to start writing down the things He has laid on my heart. Despite what I may feel, must follow him and where He is leading. I have a passion for this, whether I feel adequate or not. Needless to say, I'm here and I'm writing again. 

I have also realized that I need to be more intentional about following Christ daily and doing all I can in every moment he gives me. Last night in my small group we had an excellent discussion about making sure that regardless of where we are or what we are doing that we are making sure we realize that our time, our money, our lives, are not ours but Gods. He has given us what we have, therefore, it is not ours to just use however we want, but to search for Him in every moment. I've been thinking through this a lot today about what it means for my future and what I am doing now. I keep searching for where God wants me to go and what he wants me to do to no avail. I must trust that I must continue to search for Him and have faith that if I truly follow Him and seek Him in all things, He will provide and He will lead me. That being said, I could use some prayer as I seek Him as well in this matter.

With true love,

Optimistic Prime