STOP!!!! and smell the roses

So today I had some time to kind of hang out and do whatever. After some frustrating news I decided that I was going to go spend some quiet time with God.  I decided to try to find a quiet place full of nature in the city.  I did some searching and found a beautiful waterfall that just happened to be minutes from my house. It seemed like a perfect place to read and what not. So I made my way there and I sat to enjoy the hidden place in the city. After several minutes I decided to "get down to business".

I tried to read some in Ephesians... but I got nowhere. Then I tried to read a book, and got nowhere either.  I was frustrated why God would not speak to me through this. Then finally He said, "Hey, I love you. Please just enjoy my company and relax". I finally did and just felt His joy and his presence.

I enjoyed God and while I did I journaled some and I realized something. I don't give God enough credit. I realized this as I sat beside the pool at the bottom of this beautiful waterfall. Here I saw fish, frogs, crawfish, gorgeous dragonflies, and numerous other of God's creation. In the midst of chaos and hustle of a city sits a perfect example of what God can do and how beautiful God can make chaos. I realized how many times I've walked past God beauty and passed it off as same old same old or everyday. I walk past a blooming rose bush or smile tulips and think they are pretty but I don't give credit to God.

From there my mind began to realize how often small things happen in my life and I give myself credit or think they were just luck. Simply things in life like a cool cloudless sky on a ride home or warm sunshine at just the right time. I think of oh how luck I am and not God smiling down on His creation at just the time His creation needed it. How great and personal is our God?

Finally, as I sat by the waterfall God smiled at me and said, "You see this waterfall? I created it for you". My God looked down when He was creating the world and knew that someday I would need that waterfall to sit and reflect. Man does God love me!!! It's funny that I had all these plans for reading and studying and seeking. All God wanted was for me to be with Him. He wanted me to be there then, in that moment.

I hope as you read through this you know just how desperately God loves you and wants to spend time with you, and, above all, wants to have that deep personal relationship with you. Stop and just listen, you never know what he wants to tell you. God bless.

With Christ's love,
Optimistic Prim

optimisticprime15@gmail.com

Thank God I read Job!!

On Sunday the church I attend was continuing a series going through Exodus and the Israelites and Moses. The teacher was covering the final plague that God used to bring His people out of Egypt and from under Pharaoh's control. It was the killing of the first born males. Animals and humans a like would have their first borns killed. The only ones to be spared were those who had the blood over their door. The blood of a spotless first born lamb. God then calls the Israelites to remember this through Passover. This is also a foreshadowing to Christ and what he has done for us. Like in the original Passover, there is a choice to be made. We must choose to put Christ's blood around our door. We must choose His grace and redemption. (This story can be found in the first part of Exodus. From Moses birth through the plagues)

This is information that I have known but God put it on my heart a new way on Sunday. There is nothing I can do to my door myself. I can lock it, I can bar it I can do whatever I want, but the angel of death does not discriminate. I saw this picture of a door. On that door was my name. In big letters, there it was. The only thing that can stop be from certain death is for me to accept Christ blood and to put that around my door. I must accept the fact that Jesus, as my lamb, died. He died, however, not for humanity. He died for me. He died, suffered, bled, felt more pain that I ever could because He thought of me. He looked down from the cross as said "Optimistic, I forgive you and your sins are forgiven. I loved you enough to do this." He died because He knew I needed it. Just this thought of Christ moved me to tears. To be able to grasp that personal love of my creator. He loves me and He created me for Him. What a beautiful and moving picture of Christ? This also means that every time I allow sin to win I am telling Christ "sorry it just wasn't enough for you to die". A bit of a sobering thought, perhaps, but also powerful.

That's not all He laid on my heart though. These last few month have been tough, needless to say. I have no idea what the future holds for me, my job is not exactly paying me, and I've had some health scares. It has been trying on my and on my faith. Where is God going with all this? As I sat in church and reflected on Christ's decision to save me God said asked me if I remember reading about Job. If you remember from earlier in this blog I read through Job. What an awesome man of God? He was incredible. He was stripped of everything and yet he believed in God. Now I am in no way saying I am Job or I have remotely suffered like he did. It made me think though. If Job can do it with what Satan took from him, why can't I. I have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I need to remain faithful to my God. There were times when Job wished he was dead, he wished it would just all end. Most of the time, he didn't even get anything from God letting him know he was going to be ok. Yet, he remained faithful. I say this not because I want your sympathy or anything. It's just what's going on and on my heart. Who know's where God is taking me. I know it may get worse. But God has deemed me worthy of going through this. He thinks I have what it takes. I Corinthians 10:13 essentially says that God will never let us be tempted beyond what we can handle and He will never give us anything we can't take. God has deemed me a man. I have what it takes (prayers for strength are welcomed though). I know it won't be easy but I welcome where God takes me because I'm being seasoned and readied for His glory.

I hope this encourages anyone going through crap in their life that seems to overbearing and to heavy. Remember, God wouldn't let you face it if He didn't think you could do it. Step up to the plate and be ready to fight (perhaps a mixed metaphor but you get the point). Don't be disheartened by trials and struggles. Remember it is God's faith in your strength. God truly blew my mind with this one, I hope you receive as much hope from this as it gave me.

With all the love of Christ

Optimistic Prime

Hey don't forget you are always welcome to ask me whatever questions or comments you have. I am by no means the final word on anything. These are simply my thoughts and feels and am welcome to anything God has laid on your heart in opposition or agreement with anything I write.

When EVERYONE says it, sometimes it's true...

Ever since I joined h2o Kent State back in... well it was a while ago, the men in my life couldn't believe that I had never read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. So many of those men told me I need to read it. So 4 years later I sat down to finally read it. I am currently through chapter 5... Man I wish I had read this book back in high school. This book has given me an astounding look into my heart and who I am as a man. Seriously, any men out there should read this. Any women out there, it wouldn't hurt. This will definitely give you an interesting look into the heart of men, or maybe more specifically your own. If you are like me, there is in fact a movie by the same title. I wouldn't watch the movie instead of read the book however, because they are completely different. Mainly because one is a book about the heart of men and one is a movie about two lovers being hunted by her crazed mothers hired assassin (I haven't seen in btw just a synopsis from IMDb). But I'm on a rant about how good the book is and I am by no means a book critic. So let me get down to this.

As it turns out, every boy growing up looks for the answer to the question, "Am I a man? Do I have what it takes?" Throughout the book it talks about how our fathers are the ones who tell us that we are men. This is not blaming my father, because he is an awesome man who did an excellent job in raising me and my siblings. However, he is not perfect. Somewhere a long the line I stopped turning to my father to see if I'm a man. Like so many men I turned to women to tell me that I am a man. To tell me what I have what it takes. But like John Eldredge says, if we turn to "Eve" for the answer to THE question, it will break my heart every time. Looking back over my high school years and even through most of college, that is who I turned to. It's just interesting to think that if I had read this book back then, maybe I'd be that much closer to being a man instead of a boy who is finally on his way to be man. Regardless, It happened. John Eldredge also says that every time we turn to women to answer that question, it will end in addiction or emasculation. I'm sure like many men who have read this book before me, I felt like he was simply retelling me what happened throughout my journey to where I am now. Addictions sexually especially for me. And every time I start to doubt the fact that I am a man or that I have what it takes I turn back to those. As my future is in limbo and I don't know what is going on next and I'm worried about life, I feel myself start to gravitate back towards those addictions. Why? because I need something to tell me I am a man and I have what it takes. Even though that is a temporary fix and will not last.

Anyhow, I'm not going to sum up the whole books, because I wouldn't do it justice and I would miss so much that was meant to touch another mans heart. Maybe I wrote this blog simply for my own understanding of my own heart. Maybe it was because I simply needed to say it "out loud". But this is where I am. I am starting on a battle to win back my heart. A heart formed after God's masculine side. The dangerous side. The passionate side. The side that will fight. 

For my brothers out there that realize that Christianity doesn't save you from all this, welcome to the front lines. The men (not the boys the MEN) of the church. It's times to stand up, it's time to fight back, it's times to regain the hearts of men. One of the most important things I've gained from my reading is this. There is a reason every wound is a precision shot to our weakest spot. It's not a mere accident that Satan targets those. He does it because he's terrified and he knows what will hurt us the most. He knows that if we men finally regain our masculine hearts that we can do some serious damage. Well boys... it's time to become men. I know this is true in my life. Time to unleash a dangerous God in my life. 

In Christ's love,

Optimistic Prime

A Call To Return

I had all but given up on this blog. Why would people want to hear what I have to say? What do I have to say that is important at all? What makes me think that I should do this? I had missed a few weeks, then a few more, and eventually I decided it wasn't worth going back to it for the afore mentioned reasons. But recently I have been reading a book called Wild At Heart. (I know finally right?) Regardless I have and it has been an eye opening read thus far.

For those of you who have not read this book, it talks about the heart of a man and where it is not and what it was truly created for. Essentially, we were not created to be these wishy-washy Christian men who have little passion. The true heart of a man can be summed up as wanting an adventure to live, a battle to fight, and a beauty to win. It was just an incredibly interesting look into the heart of a man and what, even the church, has made it become. All this to say, I started to wonder what my passions are and where my desires lay. That's when this blog popped into my head. Regardless of how I feel about the relevance of blog, God laid it on my heart a year ago to start writing down the things He has laid on my heart. Despite what I may feel, must follow him and where He is leading. I have a passion for this, whether I feel adequate or not. Needless to say, I'm here and I'm writing again. 

I have also realized that I need to be more intentional about following Christ daily and doing all I can in every moment he gives me. Last night in my small group we had an excellent discussion about making sure that regardless of where we are or what we are doing that we are making sure we realize that our time, our money, our lives, are not ours but Gods. He has given us what we have, therefore, it is not ours to just use however we want, but to search for Him in every moment. I've been thinking through this a lot today about what it means for my future and what I am doing now. I keep searching for where God wants me to go and what he wants me to do to no avail. I must trust that I must continue to search for Him and have faith that if I truly follow Him and seek Him in all things, He will provide and He will lead me. That being said, I could use some prayer as I seek Him as well in this matter.

With true love,

Optimistic Prime