There's Always a Catch

So as some of you may know, I grew up Mennonite which many people confuse with Amish. If you see me now with my current giant beard you may believe so. Anyhow, being Mennonite and actually having some connection to the Amish culture, though I usually deny it. The Amish have a very legalistic religion. The thought is that if you do enough and/or live just the right way that you will earn your way into heaven. Throughout the Bible it even talks about how our salvation is found through Christ and through a relationship with Him. If you have time, check out Ephesians 2:8 and Titus 3:5 as two examples about how what we do can not save us. So I started to ponder why. And honestly, the whole thing really started spinning in my head after reading an article about Amish "technology". The article was basically talked about the things the Amish have done to be able to use things that traditionally require electric. So they do things like have a cell phone that they don't bring in the house, or set up a phone at the end of the drive so it's not in their house. At first I was baffled and how they are simply finding loopholes to get around their "rules". It seemed silly.

That's the point I started to look at my own Christian walk. Growing up Mennonite, I grew up in a legalistic type of setting as well. You should do this and you shouldn't do that. OK there are things we should and shouldn't do. I shouldn't kill someone and I shouldn't lie. But if I rely on those things to get my into heaven, I'm only going to search out the loopholes around them. No this probably isn't true for everyone and maybe I"m being to general. Stop and think about it though. How often do you set a rule for yourself simply to search for the loophole around it. If we are relying on our own ability to follow the rules we will simply fall short and fail. The Bible even talks about it. The reference evades me at the moment but essentially states if we rely on ourselves to follow the Old Testament rules, we will fail. It strikes me how often I try to earn credit with God. It doesn't work. I always end up failing. So what can I do?

If you reread the verses from above you will see that we are saved by faith and my consciously accepting Christ's Grace for us. This doesn't mean that I can do whatever I want and, he its cool cuz God saved me. But it means we must focus on our relationship. When we can sit and focus on God and what He has and what He is speaking into our lives, then we change. We don't change by our own desire or attempts. We change because God changes our hearts and creates in us what we can truly be. He is the only one who can change us. If we do it on our own, we fail.

This is one of the most eye opening things for me to really see. I am a perfectionist by nature and when I fail I take it personally. So when I fail to follow a rule I believe God set, I get down on myself. I'm not growing. For me, it usually means falling deeper into sin due to frustration and anger at myself. This becomes a vicious circle. There is absolutely no way I can rely on myself to be able to please God with what I can do, because I will end up in a bad place. Not only is there no way for me to never break the rules, when I do, it makes things worse. 

So back to this relationship with God part. When I truly have a relationship with Him and am relying on Him to save me, it isn't the end of the world when I screw up. I seek God, and He helps me to grow through the experience. He picks me up, brushes me off, and helps to show me where I went wrong. He isn't worried that I am not perfect, simply seeking to be in a relationship with me. A God that loves me enough to truly WANT a relationship with me. It continues to boggle my mind that the Creator of the universe would want to know me, and want me to deeply know Him. 

Hope you got something from this. As always, feel free to contact me either through comments on the blog or email at optimisticprime15@gmail.com. Please tweet, facebook, google+ (I know, no one actually uses google+) or whatever else you deem worthy my blog link to get it out there. If you have anything you'd like prayer for, let me know. If there is the first blog you've read, feel free to read some of my older stuff to and comment on that as well :). I love you guys and there is nothing you can do about. 

Optimistic Prime 

What is love, baby don't hurt me...

So I have been doing something new at work recently. I have been working as a carpenter this summer. Typically I will put in ear buds that help cut the noise, turn on some music, and go into my own little base coping world (trim words sorry). Well lately, instead of listening to The Avett Brothers or Trampled By Turtles (both bands you should check out if you like banjos), I have been listening to some books on tape or various sermons by one of my favorite pastors, Mike Smith. Well I finally finished the book, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I've only started the book roughly a dozen times. This is the first time I've actually finished it. I have a theory that the Devil finds a way to make me to busy when I'm reading a really good book that could really change my perspective. Ok so that was way to long to get to where I am going.

Either way, something really struck me last few parts I listened to of Blue Like Jazz. Donald Miller was talking about love. If you've read some of my older blogs, you would realize how important I think love is in our Christian walk. Well two things struck me that Miller said about love. The first was how important it is that we love ourselves. In Mark 12:31, Jesus says that we must love our neighbors as ourselves. In Blue Like Jazz (it takes to much time to type that all our so from here on out BLJ...which I will probably not mention again), Miller talks about our inability to love others if we can't first love ourselves. Our ability to fulfill this commandment from Christ is almost impossible, unless we can stop being so self loathing. This struck me hard as I was nailing some base on a wall (more trim words). Maybe you don't struggle with this. Maybe you love who you are, and if so, I applaud you. I, however, am self loathing, self deprecating, and, for the most part, never pleased with who I am. As Donald talks in his book, it is incredibly important we are able to love ourselves. Our inability to love ourselves is a symptom of our inability to accept Christ's love for us. In looking down our ourselves, we are saying that Christ did not create me right, He messed up, and his grace and love isn't enough... Yowza. If we can just accept Christ's love and realize that we are made EXACTLY the way we are supposed to be. When we can be ok with who God has made us, THEN we can start to love those around us. We can begin to pour out our love on those around us. I think, at that point, we can't help but love others. When we finally fully accept Christ's love, it will infect your entire life. Man is that a hard point to get to though. We will never, I think, fully understand the depth and expanse of Christ's love. When we can understand, however, that it covers any sin. That Christ loves us to no end. I need to accept that more.

The second thing that struck me was how we should love Christ. Donald tells a story of a friend who was visiting different churches and ministries and asking them questions about what they do that works and general questions about faith. As he sat across from the leader of a large organization. A big, fairly burly man sitting behind a large, oak desk. He looked at the man and asked him who Jesus is to him. The man couldn't answer but simply began to weep. Christ affected him so much, and he loved Christ so much that all he could do was weep and the mention of His name. I know Christ, and I understand what He did and I am grateful. Am I, however, in a relationship with Christ to the point that I love Him that much that I weep for Him. Maybe you aren't the weeping type, but the emotions that thinking of Christ elicit. I am 41 days away from being married to an amazing woman. I think about the ways I love her. I love to tell others about how wonderful she is. Ok some of this is engagement/puppy love I know. But I love her. I can't help but talk about her (in good ways). My love for Christ should be even deeper. It should affect me even more. That hit me even harder. That truth slammed me hard. I know Christ. I think He's pretty cool. I even fear God. But do I love Him to that depth? As Donald says, it takes a relationship to reach that point. You need to be seeking to know Christ. You must be longing to know His character. Just like I love my smoking hot future wife (as my friend Brian says. Side note, check out his hilarious podcast Review Everything Podcast. It's worth a listen) because I know her. I love her more because I know her more. I need to get to know Christ to love Him more. The more I seek Him and i understand the depth of who Christ is, the more I will love Him. I think the biggest question that remains is if I am willing to put in the work to get to know Christ and do I have the longing to know Christ to the point I love Him that deeply. 

Well that was intended to be a short blog, that seemed to have more elicit more than I thought from my heart and mind. I hope you received some truth from this as well. If you have any questions or anything to say, please comment or e-mail me at optimisticprime115@gmail.com.  I love you all already and there is nothing you can do about it. 

With Love,

Optimistic Prime

P.S. As always, if you enjoy this or something hits you, share it with others. My hope is just to get the words God put on my heart out there. I figured He put me there for a reason.

The Typical

So I have been doing some work with a friend doing construction while I have my summer off. The other day at the job site I slightly overheard the conversation when my friend asked who I was. My friend is a Christian guy, as is the rest of his crew. Long story short, this man jokingly referred to us as "typicals". At one point he said that he was surrounded by a punch of typicals. So I did some quick research.

In the United States, about 73%-77% of the population identify themselves as Christians. I'd cite my sources...but if you want to find out, google it. That means that in a group of 10 people, almost 8 would consider themselves Christian. If you walked into your local breakfast diner at 10:30 in the morning on Saturday, of those 20 - 30 people in there, about 16-24 of them consider themselves Christian. 

As I sit back and think about those numbers, I wonder if I really want to be a typical American. When you sit back and think about what that means in terms of being a Christian... well I understand why some people have a very hard time identifying Christians with the Christ of the Bible that we are to emulate. This isn't me coming down on people either. This is me being as guilty as any of, to a point, defiling the term "Christian". It also makes me realize how loosely we throw that term around. How easily people say, "Oh yeah, I'm a Christian." Like I talked about last week, getting married and budgeting and trying to stay Christ-like has been a very humbling event for me. It made me realize how poor of an example I have been of being Christ-like to those I come in contact with daily. 

I know I have talked about it before, but I'm talking about it again. If as many people who claimed they were Christians, lived a true Christian walk, can you imagine what this world would be like? If it was just those who went to church on a regular basis lived a true Christ-like faith can you imagine? If simply the number of people who read this silly blog could live a completely Christ-like faith... I'm not saying none of you do, it's more of a challenge to me. If I could only live a Christ-like existence. If I could love the people I came in contact with as much as Christ loved. If I could give as freely and without worry, with both time and money, as Christ asked us to. 

The best part of this is, God still wants to use untrusting, unloving at time, broken me. One of my wonderful, gorgeous, fiancé's favorite characters in the Bible is Peter. Not because of what Peter did, but because of how big of a screw up he was, and how great God was glorified threw him. We discussed this recently at a friends wedding as the read about the washing of the feet. Peter ask Jesus not to wash his feet. Jesus tells him that unless he allows him to that Peter cannot be clean. Peter immediately jumps to the other ends and ask's Christ to wash all of him then. Countless times throughout the New Testament you just shake your head at Peter. Yet God used him. Maybe there is hope for me after all. The major thing with Peter is that no matter what, he was passionate about God and was striving to seek Him and desired to serve Him. Peter may have been a screw up, but his heart was in the right place.

So I covered a lot there and my brain wasn't exactly flowing neatly so let explain...there is no time, let me sum up. If you consider yourself a Christian, think about your actions and what they say about Christians. Do you want others to see Christianity through your actions. But, have faith that if you truly try to follow Christ, HE will be glorified. We need to make sure we are seeking God with the right heart, and with the right motives. With or without us, however, He will be glorified. We just have to choose whether or not we are willing to die to self and be a part of it.

Ok I'm done, but as always I love you all and thanks for reading this. Tweet it, Facebook it, Myspace it (yeah right), share it. I hope you got something from this. Send me feedback or questions or comments. Either leave them here or e-mail me at optimisticprime15@gmail.com.

Finally, if you guys could pray for me and my future wife. We have to rely on God a lot as we move forward with our lives. It has been hard for me to trust in God to provide for us so just pray for faith for me and a willingness to allow God to move in His timing. Thankfully he has provided me with a wonderful woman to keep me focused on him. If you guys have an prayer requests, PLEASE e-mail me. I can share them confidentially on here and with friends, or I can simply pray for you myself. Either way, please don't hesitate. 

With love always,

Optimistic Prime

I'm back...I think

You know, it's amazing how sure we can be that God wants us to do something. Yet, how quickly give up when it seems uneventful, unexciting, or not what WE hoped for. It is so hard for me to completely trust God, and not think that I know better because I am living it. I look at this blog and have no idea what God may be doing or who He may be affecting, but I gave it up simply because I didnt see anything, and I "didn't have time".  But that's not what I wanted to talk about this time.

First an update. I am back in NE Ohio after living in Columbus for about a year and a half. I really felt that God wanted me back near my family right now. Maybe it's due to parents getting older or who knows, I jut felt it's where I needed to be. I also just completed my first year of teaching. The first 6 months were at a charter school in Columbus. (Side note, if you are a teacher... REALLY REALLY research a charter school before you take a job at one.) The last three months were at an off site classroom. The schools caters to school districts who send children who have behavior issues, most resulting from emotional issues. It is definitely a challenging job, but has also been really good.

I also got engaged over the past year and I am currently, with my future bride, in the crux of wedding planning. It's not always what I would consider fun, but has been good. During this process, we have been doing premarital counseling. That has been super awesome. Ben and Dara is the couple who has been talking with us and they are phenomenal people who I have quickly grown to love. Talking with them, however, is what may have made me the most discouraged. Not at anything they did or said. Simply what was revealed through our talks.

A few weeks ago we were talking about finances and both Ben and Dara suggested we should live off of one of our salaries so that if we decided to have children it wouldn't be a nearly impossible adjustment to make. I thought this was an excellent idea, so Sarah and I sat down to make a budget. We decided to use my salary because, at the moment, I have a full time job with benefits and Sarah is still working part time doing design work. We used a work book and some online sources to create a spreadsheet that uses percents. For a nerdy guy like me, it was fun creating, until I entered in my salary and looked at the money we had for all of our stuff for the year... It was at this point I became super discouraged. I know I don't make a lot of money, but looking at what we had to spend on housing and groceries and, worst of all, "fun" stuff seemed like nothing. My excitement for marriage went from way high to ... really?!?... I was still super stoked to marry Sarah, it just seemed impossible with that much money. Seriously, how can Sarah and I be comfortable with a budget like that...

Talking with Ben and Dara helped me to realize the good God can do if we trust Him with this, but it wasn't until I was talking with my cousin Brian that I truly go a glimpse of God at work. We were talking about a book he has been listening to called More or Less. The basic premise is that as Americans, we typically have enough and how we need to be more willing to give of what we have. But as I talked about this book with Brian, I realized how much I have lived in excess over the past several years. I was by no means wealthy, but I had enough and would quickly spend on things I didn't need. I enjoy Starbucks coffee, but being a Gold Member there is not something I'm proud of. I am typing this on my iPad as I check e-mails on my iPhone. I wake up each morning with a choice of what to eat for breakfast and pack for my lunch. I have freedom to choose so much. As I sat and thought about all of my excess, I just felt God saying "Trust Me and watch what I can do with you". I thought about what Ben and Dara told be, about how God had done some incredible things in their lives because they were able to trust Him, giving freely, KNOWING God would provide for their needs.

So are you living in excess? My challenge is to sit down and think about all the things we live with that we don't need. What is are you spending money on in excess that you could be using to bless others and glorify God? I'm not calling anyone out or trying to belittle anyone. I just want you to think about how much you have and how much you give. Maybe God just wanted to convict me. Maybe this blog is for me to read through time and time again and be reminded that I must be willing to give. I don't need that perfect apartment, I just need one that Sarah and I can fit in. I don't need my weekly dose of Starbucks, that freshly ground cup of 8 o'clock was pretty tasty today. I should be searching for ways to bless others with my excess, not searching for was to spend the excess I have. I truly believe God has put me in this position because HE wants to bless others through me and HE will be glorified through it. I only hope I can trust Him enough to allow Him to work. I hope you will all keep me accountable to living faithfully to Christ and trusting Him, especially with my finances.

For those who want to, you can actually download the book More or Less on Noisetrade.com. It is a wonderful site you should check out anyhow. You can download music, and even books sometime, by donation. Yes that means you can download stuff for free if you wish.

Well until next time, I love you guys and I hope God has given you something. As always, comment or email me at optimisticprime15@gmail.com with anything. E-mail me if I haven't blogged in a while... sometimes I need some help with that :).

Optimistic Prime

PS. Please tweet, facebook, other social media this. I want to get this out there and see what God can do. PEACE.

STOP!!!! and smell the roses

So today I had some time to kind of hang out and do whatever. After some frustrating news I decided that I was going to go spend some quiet time with God.  I decided to try to find a quiet place full of nature in the city.  I did some searching and found a beautiful waterfall that just happened to be minutes from my house. It seemed like a perfect place to read and what not. So I made my way there and I sat to enjoy the hidden place in the city. After several minutes I decided to "get down to business".

I tried to read some in Ephesians... but I got nowhere. Then I tried to read a book, and got nowhere either.  I was frustrated why God would not speak to me through this. Then finally He said, "Hey, I love you. Please just enjoy my company and relax". I finally did and just felt His joy and his presence.

I enjoyed God and while I did I journaled some and I realized something. I don't give God enough credit. I realized this as I sat beside the pool at the bottom of this beautiful waterfall. Here I saw fish, frogs, crawfish, gorgeous dragonflies, and numerous other of God's creation. In the midst of chaos and hustle of a city sits a perfect example of what God can do and how beautiful God can make chaos. I realized how many times I've walked past God beauty and passed it off as same old same old or everyday. I walk past a blooming rose bush or smile tulips and think they are pretty but I don't give credit to God.

From there my mind began to realize how often small things happen in my life and I give myself credit or think they were just luck. Simply things in life like a cool cloudless sky on a ride home or warm sunshine at just the right time. I think of oh how luck I am and not God smiling down on His creation at just the time His creation needed it. How great and personal is our God?

Finally, as I sat by the waterfall God smiled at me and said, "You see this waterfall? I created it for you". My God looked down when He was creating the world and knew that someday I would need that waterfall to sit and reflect. Man does God love me!!! It's funny that I had all these plans for reading and studying and seeking. All God wanted was for me to be with Him. He wanted me to be there then, in that moment.

I hope as you read through this you know just how desperately God loves you and wants to spend time with you, and, above all, wants to have that deep personal relationship with you. Stop and just listen, you never know what he wants to tell you. God bless.

With Christ's love,
Optimistic Prim

optimisticprime15@gmail.com

Thank God I read Job!!

On Sunday the church I attend was continuing a series going through Exodus and the Israelites and Moses. The teacher was covering the final plague that God used to bring His people out of Egypt and from under Pharaoh's control. It was the killing of the first born males. Animals and humans a like would have their first borns killed. The only ones to be spared were those who had the blood over their door. The blood of a spotless first born lamb. God then calls the Israelites to remember this through Passover. This is also a foreshadowing to Christ and what he has done for us. Like in the original Passover, there is a choice to be made. We must choose to put Christ's blood around our door. We must choose His grace and redemption. (This story can be found in the first part of Exodus. From Moses birth through the plagues)

This is information that I have known but God put it on my heart a new way on Sunday. There is nothing I can do to my door myself. I can lock it, I can bar it I can do whatever I want, but the angel of death does not discriminate. I saw this picture of a door. On that door was my name. In big letters, there it was. The only thing that can stop be from certain death is for me to accept Christ blood and to put that around my door. I must accept the fact that Jesus, as my lamb, died. He died, however, not for humanity. He died for me. He died, suffered, bled, felt more pain that I ever could because He thought of me. He looked down from the cross as said "Optimistic, I forgive you and your sins are forgiven. I loved you enough to do this." He died because He knew I needed it. Just this thought of Christ moved me to tears. To be able to grasp that personal love of my creator. He loves me and He created me for Him. What a beautiful and moving picture of Christ? This also means that every time I allow sin to win I am telling Christ "sorry it just wasn't enough for you to die". A bit of a sobering thought, perhaps, but also powerful.

That's not all He laid on my heart though. These last few month have been tough, needless to say. I have no idea what the future holds for me, my job is not exactly paying me, and I've had some health scares. It has been trying on my and on my faith. Where is God going with all this? As I sat in church and reflected on Christ's decision to save me God said asked me if I remember reading about Job. If you remember from earlier in this blog I read through Job. What an awesome man of God? He was incredible. He was stripped of everything and yet he believed in God. Now I am in no way saying I am Job or I have remotely suffered like he did. It made me think though. If Job can do it with what Satan took from him, why can't I. I have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I need to remain faithful to my God. There were times when Job wished he was dead, he wished it would just all end. Most of the time, he didn't even get anything from God letting him know he was going to be ok. Yet, he remained faithful. I say this not because I want your sympathy or anything. It's just what's going on and on my heart. Who know's where God is taking me. I know it may get worse. But God has deemed me worthy of going through this. He thinks I have what it takes. I Corinthians 10:13 essentially says that God will never let us be tempted beyond what we can handle and He will never give us anything we can't take. God has deemed me a man. I have what it takes (prayers for strength are welcomed though). I know it won't be easy but I welcome where God takes me because I'm being seasoned and readied for His glory.

I hope this encourages anyone going through crap in their life that seems to overbearing and to heavy. Remember, God wouldn't let you face it if He didn't think you could do it. Step up to the plate and be ready to fight (perhaps a mixed metaphor but you get the point). Don't be disheartened by trials and struggles. Remember it is God's faith in your strength. God truly blew my mind with this one, I hope you receive as much hope from this as it gave me.

With all the love of Christ

Optimistic Prime

Hey don't forget you are always welcome to ask me whatever questions or comments you have. I am by no means the final word on anything. These are simply my thoughts and feels and am welcome to anything God has laid on your heart in opposition or agreement with anything I write.

When EVERYONE says it, sometimes it's true...

Ever since I joined h2o Kent State back in... well it was a while ago, the men in my life couldn't believe that I had never read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. So many of those men told me I need to read it. So 4 years later I sat down to finally read it. I am currently through chapter 5... Man I wish I had read this book back in high school. This book has given me an astounding look into my heart and who I am as a man. Seriously, any men out there should read this. Any women out there, it wouldn't hurt. This will definitely give you an interesting look into the heart of men, or maybe more specifically your own. If you are like me, there is in fact a movie by the same title. I wouldn't watch the movie instead of read the book however, because they are completely different. Mainly because one is a book about the heart of men and one is a movie about two lovers being hunted by her crazed mothers hired assassin (I haven't seen in btw just a synopsis from IMDb). But I'm on a rant about how good the book is and I am by no means a book critic. So let me get down to this.

As it turns out, every boy growing up looks for the answer to the question, "Am I a man? Do I have what it takes?" Throughout the book it talks about how our fathers are the ones who tell us that we are men. This is not blaming my father, because he is an awesome man who did an excellent job in raising me and my siblings. However, he is not perfect. Somewhere a long the line I stopped turning to my father to see if I'm a man. Like so many men I turned to women to tell me that I am a man. To tell me what I have what it takes. But like John Eldredge says, if we turn to "Eve" for the answer to THE question, it will break my heart every time. Looking back over my high school years and even through most of college, that is who I turned to. It's just interesting to think that if I had read this book back then, maybe I'd be that much closer to being a man instead of a boy who is finally on his way to be man. Regardless, It happened. John Eldredge also says that every time we turn to women to answer that question, it will end in addiction or emasculation. I'm sure like many men who have read this book before me, I felt like he was simply retelling me what happened throughout my journey to where I am now. Addictions sexually especially for me. And every time I start to doubt the fact that I am a man or that I have what it takes I turn back to those. As my future is in limbo and I don't know what is going on next and I'm worried about life, I feel myself start to gravitate back towards those addictions. Why? because I need something to tell me I am a man and I have what it takes. Even though that is a temporary fix and will not last.

Anyhow, I'm not going to sum up the whole books, because I wouldn't do it justice and I would miss so much that was meant to touch another mans heart. Maybe I wrote this blog simply for my own understanding of my own heart. Maybe it was because I simply needed to say it "out loud". But this is where I am. I am starting on a battle to win back my heart. A heart formed after God's masculine side. The dangerous side. The passionate side. The side that will fight. 

For my brothers out there that realize that Christianity doesn't save you from all this, welcome to the front lines. The men (not the boys the MEN) of the church. It's times to stand up, it's time to fight back, it's times to regain the hearts of men. One of the most important things I've gained from my reading is this. There is a reason every wound is a precision shot to our weakest spot. It's not a mere accident that Satan targets those. He does it because he's terrified and he knows what will hurt us the most. He knows that if we men finally regain our masculine hearts that we can do some serious damage. Well boys... it's time to become men. I know this is true in my life. Time to unleash a dangerous God in my life. 

In Christ's love,

Optimistic Prime

A Call To Return

I had all but given up on this blog. Why would people want to hear what I have to say? What do I have to say that is important at all? What makes me think that I should do this? I had missed a few weeks, then a few more, and eventually I decided it wasn't worth going back to it for the afore mentioned reasons. But recently I have been reading a book called Wild At Heart. (I know finally right?) Regardless I have and it has been an eye opening read thus far.

For those of you who have not read this book, it talks about the heart of a man and where it is not and what it was truly created for. Essentially, we were not created to be these wishy-washy Christian men who have little passion. The true heart of a man can be summed up as wanting an adventure to live, a battle to fight, and a beauty to win. It was just an incredibly interesting look into the heart of a man and what, even the church, has made it become. All this to say, I started to wonder what my passions are and where my desires lay. That's when this blog popped into my head. Regardless of how I feel about the relevance of blog, God laid it on my heart a year ago to start writing down the things He has laid on my heart. Despite what I may feel, must follow him and where He is leading. I have a passion for this, whether I feel adequate or not. Needless to say, I'm here and I'm writing again. 

I have also realized that I need to be more intentional about following Christ daily and doing all I can in every moment he gives me. Last night in my small group we had an excellent discussion about making sure that regardless of where we are or what we are doing that we are making sure we realize that our time, our money, our lives, are not ours but Gods. He has given us what we have, therefore, it is not ours to just use however we want, but to search for Him in every moment. I've been thinking through this a lot today about what it means for my future and what I am doing now. I keep searching for where God wants me to go and what he wants me to do to no avail. I must trust that I must continue to search for Him and have faith that if I truly follow Him and seek Him in all things, He will provide and He will lead me. That being said, I could use some prayer as I seek Him as well in this matter.

With true love,

Optimistic Prime 

iTrust... nothing to do with Steve Jobs.

First I'm sad to hear of Steve Job's passing, but this has nothing to do with it. So on to what I have to say (cuz that's why we are all here. I think this blog is making me a bit egocentric). Life has been tricky lately as  I continue to search for a fulltime job, or at least a job that I can start paying on some student loans soon. As the time approaches when I'll have to start paying on them, the more stressful it gets, and the more trusting in God in starting to get harder. But then God sent me a little message about this all.

As I was driving to Columbus for a funeral I was flipping through radio stations. It turns out the my presets from NE Ohio don't work in central Ohio... shocking I know. (Side note, the funeral was for a man I never met but father of a friend. His name was Rich and after hearing about his life I truly can't wait to meet that man in heaven. Inspire man who's life was taken to soon but I know God will use.) As I scanned to the right for the 20th time in the last few minutes (music ADD) I heard a preacher. Typically I'm not prone to listening to radio preachers but I was intrigued for whatever reason. I stopped to listen. He was talking about Job. He said one thing that went directly to my heart and then my head(the usual route things take for me) and I started to think about it. During the entire time Job was being basically tortured by Satan, God never spoke to him. Job pleaded and begged at times and had no idea, yet God was silent, and Job was faithful. Talk about a challenge from God. Here I am whining because I've been praying for the last few months about a job and not heard anything (ironic that Job and job are spelled the same huh) and Job was devastated. EVERYTHING he had was taken from him. Including his family and health, yet he was faithful to God through it all, even though he heard nothing. Maybe I need to rethink my frustration towards God!

So here's the plan... to trust God. To trust Him if I lose my job and go bankrupt, to trust God if I get some disease, to trust God if I lose my friends and family, to trust God if I'm laying on my death bed feeling I'm to young to die. While these seem maybe a bit extreme, I've realized that as much as I may fear the unknown, I don't need to. I simply need to trust. As much as I have no idea what the next month or week holds, much less the next few years, I don't need to. Yeah I want a job and I want to move to Columbus and I want to do the things that I think will make my life happy, I must trust that the plan God has for me are so far beyond what I could ever imagine. I am confident that when I look back at this post years from now that I will chuckle a bit. I will think to myself, man if you only knew back then what I know now. But I can't get there unless I trust God and just give it to Him and let it go. Regardless of what may happen the rest of my life, I know the end and I know the final outcome. What amazing joy to know that we need not worry about our futures because we have a God who loves us so much and knows exactly the things we need.

Well it is time for this long winded writer to be done. As always I'd love to hear from you if you have anything to say. I encourage you to comment on here or email me at optimisticprime15@gmail.com. With much love and prayer,
OptimisticPrime

Sometimes we enter into a relationship...

So recently, between reading through Psalms and David's relationship with God and a blog I read, I came to a realization about myself. It started after I read a blog
( http://calebhickerson.wordpress.com/2011/08/31/repentance/  this blog in fact. Check it out). At one point he says how God wanted him to have a relationship and love God. Whether he intended it to mean this or God spoke to me through that, it made me think. What have my relationships looked like and what has my relationship with God looked like.

 Lets start by looking at a relationship with a woman. First, I pursue her. I make sure she knows I'm interested in her. I do things so that I can be close to her. And then I make sacrifices so that I can do things with her. And then I thought about my relationship with God. I sit. I talk to Him and I read some of the things He has to say. But do I pursue Him? Wow, what a realization I had. Granted I like God and I wanna be near Him and be in his presence, but where is the urgency and desire? I don't sacrifice other things to be near Him. For girlfriend I may skip doing something I wanted to do to be able to be with her. With God, I try to see where the crack in my schedule are so that I can try and stuff God in there.

 I've known for a long time that I have issues with prioritizing God, but this somewhat slapped my in the face. The things I am willing to do for someone who is human and I will be with for, at most, 60 or 70 years. Why am I not willing to do that for my creator. For the God that loves me so much, He is willing to let me make stupid mistake in order for my love for Him to be real. He loved me so much that died in order for me to continue to live. He was a perfect example of love and of what I should desire to be, yet I still find myself trying to fit God into my already tightly packed schedule.

I have talked about how, if we pursue God that life and joy and happiness flows from that. However, you can see how well I practice some of the things I know. It's just hard for me to first seek God and just simply trust that He will provide time and energy for the rest. But He does, and He will. I must learn to pursue and seek God, like He will pursue me. Praise God that He is so great, even when I am so ... not great.

Love ya'll

OptimisticPrime

More From My Readings

So I’ve finally finished reading C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity. Again, if you haven’t read that book or haven’t read it in a while please consider picking it up, or repicking it up as it may be. Either way, this book has been challenging and enlightening for me. The beginning of the book discusses the validity of Christ and whether or not He could be a Savior and God. The latter part of the book starts to challenge maybe some of the ideas of Christianity that I know I had and perhaps you have too. Things that made me reevaluate my Christian walk and my life as a “Christian.” It has been really good for me and again I encourage you to read it. If you want a copy please contact me and I may be able to help you out. 

Anyhow, a few things kind stuck out to me in the last few chapters and it’s something I wanted to do a short blog about. First there is the idea that Christianity a fix to your problems. Perhaps, but as C.S. Lewis explains, it goes beyond the problems we see. The thing is, when we ask God to change us, He is not looking to just change the things we know are wrong. When we ask for Him and seek Him, He is going to shake our world. C.S. Lewis uses the analogy of a house. He moves in and fixes the immediate issues. He stops the dripping pipes and leaking roof and all the things we saw were bad, but He doesn’t stop there. He starts making renovations. These are, often, not easy things and we can’t not see exactly what He is doing. We see this cottage we think should be there, but He is creating a palace to live in. It doesn’t make sense to us, but He sees it. This has been what has started happening in my life over the past almost year now. He has come in and stopped all the things that I knew were wrong, but then He went beyond. He started making me uncomfortable. I didn’t mind the things I knew were wrong and I thought I was good then. However, He broke my heart, that didn’t seem to necessary. It was, however, exactly what was necessary to teach my things I didn’t know I needed to learn.  Another example from my personal life is this whole job situation. I think I have enough patience, yet here God is testing my patience and growing it. It’s uncomfortable and at times it sucks a lot. But I have to trust that He knows what he’s doing. It’s been tough but an incredible blessing to see God changing me in places and growing me in ways I didn’t know where necessary or needed changing. I am so in love with a God who is willing to break me at times to grow me into what I need to be. 

It was also interesting in the last few chapters where Lewis talks about blessings. One things Jesus said was, and I am paraphrasing, that it is harder for a richer man to get into heaven than for camel to go through the eye of a needle. Well that’s not problem, cuz I’m definitely not rich. However, Lewis goes on to explain that it can be riches in other areas of your life. For me, I have an amazing family who I love. I’ve grown up in a good environment and even had a Christian up bringing. This whole Christianity thing should be a cake walk. However, it has been far from that and for many years I was far from the example of a Christian man. So God allowed me to make some horrible mistakes and do a lot of stupid things. He allowed me to make myself much poorer than I was in that area in order to be able to see my need to seek and desire Him. How awesome is a God that knows me that well! Just amazing. 

Well, like I said before, you should read or reread Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It has been an awesome book for me. Whether you are a “new” Christian, “old” Christian, or non-Christian, it’s worth picking up. And as always, please contact me with any questions, comments or concerns. My e-mail address is optimisticprime15@gmail.com. And let me know if you want a copy of Mere Christianity and I will do my best to help you out. 

With love always,

Optimisticprime 

A Short Sabbatical...

So it's been a while. No I wasn't on a sabbatical, I'm just a habitual slacker. BUT God has been doing some cool stuff and teaching me a lot and since I have a soap box... I'm going to tell whoever stops by to listen. As with the theme of the rest of my life God has been doing a lot of work with me in the areas of patients and love. I've been reading a book (and you should too because it's been amazing) called Mere Christianity. If you haven't read it you should. It's by C.S. Lewis who also wrote the Chronicles of Narnia. He was an atheist who became a Christian. But this book has been both challenging and eye opening to me.

First things first. One of the biggest things that has hit me in the book in my need to stop focusing on the wrong things. My focus has been on myself, on people around me, on school, work, etc... All of these things are bad things to be looking at, but they won't change my life. It hit me reading last week that the only thing I can do is focus on Christ. EVERY part of me should be focusing on Him. His glory, His love, His faithfulness. All else flows from that. My ability to love other and serve others flows from that. My desire and passion flows from that. Even things like my stress over getting a job and having an ability to live will be satisfied and flow from my focus on Christ. It's such a freeing feeling to know that if I simply focus on Christ and make Him my sole number 1 desire and focus, that life will flow from that. This doesn't mean that I won't have struggles or pain or anything like that. It simply means that He will supply 100% of what I need. And when I do that, He will be 100% glorified. When I can push myself aside and everything else away from the forefront of my vision, God provides the rest and is glorified. 

From that I realized that I have to stop being so worried about my future. I've been so impatient with God on getting me a job. (Side note for what I'm about to write, I live about 2 1/2 from my girlfriend) On wanting to live closer to my girlfriend because long distance just stinks. But then I realized I was focusing on myself. If I am patient, focus on Christ, all that will flow from it. He will provide exactly what I need and exactly when I need it and all this is building who I am so that I can serve Him. It's NOT about ME. PERIOD! How freeing and liberating is that? I love my Creator who has giving me everything I need to serve Him. What a absolute glorious God and speechless feeling. 

How great is God :D. As always if you ever have any questions or want to tell me something or simply want to vent, you are always welcome to do one of two things. You can leave a comment on here and I will respond. The second thing you can do is to email me at optimisticprime15@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you and will do my best to respond to whatever or be an ear to listen.

Ok now I want some feedback... hopefully... if people actually read this. Anyhow. As you can tell I'm bad at this whole spontaneously writing and it tends to come and go a little. So I was thinking about doing like a weekly or biweekly blog instead of whenever I decide to. Just a thought and wanted some feedback, for real this time. 

With love,

Optimisticprime 

I Will Praise You in This Storm...

"I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm" -Casting Crowns


These lyrics have been powerful in my life. It hasn't been until recently, however, that I was able to find the power of praising good through rough parts of my life. I know I'm twenty some years old, how do I know what rough is? I'm not saying my life is rough, but it hasn't all GREAT either. But anyhow, I'm getting ahead of myself. What I'm trying to say is I've looked at this song often when life is (for me anyhow so far) really tough. I have learned to praise God then (which may be another blog all together). It's also easy for me to praise God when things are GREAT and everything is fitting. But what about the times when everything is ok and things just are...


This is where I currently am. I'm fresh outta college, I have the world at my fingertips, but I have no idea where to go. It's easy for me to praise God when things are under control or when things are completely outta control that God is my only answer. It's when things are just out of my reach. I need a job, plain and simple. I want to be able to pay off all my loans and debts so I can be free for God to use me. But I have been doing everything I can to get a job. I have been talking to people. I have been putting in applications. I I I I I I I... This is where I am starting to realize my problem. I need to start trusting God with EVERY part of my life. That doesn't mean stop trying to get a job, but I do need to start praying about it A LOT more. It's easy to pray when I have an interview, "God help this go well, blah, blah, blah (ok not exactly how I pray). or when I have a tough decision. But here, now, I find it so hard to let go of the stress and worry and KNOW that God is in control. I was just telling a good friend that I know God will take me where He needs me and allow this and that, yet I try so hard to assume what He is going to do. At least I think I told him, I may have simply thought htis during our discussion. Regardless, it's true. I have my future all planned out, and I'm trying to do everything in my power to make it happen. And, I know I told my friend this, is what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid God is going to use this situation to stretch me and my faith. Partly afraid because I know it'll hurt, but I also know that if He does, what I will be after this.


Imagine a God that has our best interest in mind regardless of what we see. A God that knows what we need even when we don't. A very wise brother of mine once told me, we see the trees but God sees the forest. This idea, that even when we think we know what is best, God still know better. To have a faith in my God like that... Man that is what I desire. I want to have that kind of faith in God. I hope you do as well. I hope you know the freedom in knowing that God is in control, even when life is not. In writing this blog, I have finally started to feel that again. Thank you all for baring with me through this reflection time... but man, I don't have to worry. I can apply and talk to people and look for jobs, but my stress isn't there because God WILL provide. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt (at least for the time being, until Satan helps me doubt) that even if I end up jobless within the next few months that God has something going on and He still will provide. Now that is a little extreme and I hope He doesn't, but that is the kinda faith we see in the Bible and the kinda faith we should have. 


You know it's amazing how my blogs never end up where I thought the would when I start. O well, it was good for me. I hope you were able to get a little something as well. Something I haven't said before is if you ever have any question about what I talk about or faith or God or any of this jazz, please, feel free to contact me. I hope to stay somewhat anonymous so  e-mai at optimisticprime15@gmail.com (who knew someone else would use optimisticprime...). I don't
promise to have all the answer, or any of the answers, but I will do my best to point you in the right
direction or in contact with someone who has more answers than me. 


As always with love,
Optimistic Prime

You know what really grinds my gears?

So I've decided to rant. I've been really frustrated about this topic for a long time and now I have a small, very very small, pedestal from which to rant. I told you that not every topic on my blog would be about my faith. A majority? Yes, because it's a huge aspect in my life. However, this one was just waiting to burst. OK, enough with the preamble to this declaration of insanity and here goes. For all you who hate sports, this is about sports, however, don't give up just yet.

So this whole OSU debacle has come about and made me wonder what what is going on. I've thought about this and about college sports and professional sports and all that. Here, what I think, is the issue. WE ARE. Every sports fan who pays ridiculous amounts of money for games and memorabilia. Some may say "supply and demand." You are exactly right, and that is the issue. If we did have sports as such a high priority and idolize these athletes would all this be such an issue? It says something when our country is in the midst of a recession and pro athletes want more money. When so many people don't have jobs yet we still pack the seats for Saturday and Sunday football. I'm no less to blame then anyone else because this summer I'm be sporting my Tigers apparel and next fall my U of M gear and Wings paraphernalia. ( I wonder if I can use another word for sports stuff?) When it comes down to it, we value sports A LOT and students in college are going to be focused on there sports over their academics in to many cases because of what we did. It's not just OSU (and no I'm not writing this because I'm a Michigan fan). It was Michigan at one point in basketball, and look at Newton and Bush. If you wanna make money off of your college career, WAIT FOUR YEARS. I guess greed may have a little to do with it too (still think that's our society too). College should not be about what you can make off of what you did on the field, that's why these rules are in place. You should be there to GET AN EDUCATION. That's what college is for, right? Maybe I missed the point my five years (I liked it so much I extended my stay). Needless to say I think that it's all kinda silly either way. The fact that people are so angry about this whole situation speaks to what I've just said. Think about this as I end this horribly controversial blog. How many of you read my blogs before and liked them or did like them or whatever and didn't comment? Until this point, how many of you were about to comment just now? What does that say? (Please still feel free to comment as always)

Ok I will end it hear. I love you readers regardless if you agree or disagree with this blog. I know that you may now think that I am a total fool for even thinking that this blog, this one particularly or the whole blasted thing, was a good idea. Either way, I hope that this doesn't split my small, limited readership. I know that this may make some of you very angry and I hope that you can take a deep breath and come back and see me for my next blog. But know that this is just one lonely mans opinion. In the grand scheme of things, it won't win my friends or save any souls. I hope you understand I just want you to think about this whole situation from a perspective that you, perhaps, didn't see. In the end, I still think love is important. Beyond the football, the baseball, the basketball, and (for the limited few) the hockey. Many of us enjoy sports to much for this to probably change any time soon. Even now as I finish this up I wonder why I even bothered to write something about this when it has no value on our eternal salvation. Will this help me to influence any of your lives? Paul didn't believe in some of the Jewish customs, yet he did them so he could relate. So, again, take a deep breath and PLEASE come back for a blog when I talk about things that I think TRULY matter, or perhaps I'll rant on something meaningless again. Either way I'll try to make it somewhat entertaining.

WITH LOVE,
                 Optimistic Prime (I think I shall start signing my blogs like this. Yes or no?)

LOVE THIS!!!

I've posted this a lot but it helps to remind me how to love, enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WybvhRu9KU

What is Love... Part 2...1/2 or something.

So I was thinking about this whole love thing today and just started thinking about God's love for me. It made me think about the unconditionality (yes I use my own made up words from time to time) of it. I think that it may have been implied but I think I want to say it. Our love of other people should be similar to that of God's for us. No we can't do it perfect, because we aren't perfect. However, I think it's important to see the humanity in people. A few weeks ago, ok months ago, we talked about forgiveness in church. One of the important things we talked about was seeing the humanity of those who have hurt us. At that point we can begin to forgive. There is a lot more context to that that is important, however, I think seeing the humanity in people can also help us love people. It can help us to love them beyond the flaws we see. Love them regardless of the mistakes we think they make. As I sit here on my lunch break and work and just looking at some of the people I work with that I can find hard to love. It's important for me to a) see their humanity and realize they are no more or less of a human than me and b) to love them despite what I don't like and despite what they may do. Why? Because that's how God loved me. Not because what I can do for Him or what I can bring to His table, but because He's crazy about me and thinks the world of me because I am me. Exactly as I am. It's a strange concept to think about love people for no reason and I don't think it's cultural at all. We are born looking for people to give us something to make us like them. Anyhow, this entry is starting to ramble and my break is almost up. Time to go love some people. Next time you get angry and frustrated with someone, stop and see their humanity. To those of you who read this, I love you guys.

What is love... Part 2

Well I wanted to update my blog much sooner. However, for the past almost week I've been gone and just recently go back into town. For those of you who are interested, it was a great weekish. So my last blog I left is somewhat of a cliff hanger. So I will attempt to answer what I believe it is to love. Or at least the small understanding that I have from what God has taught me.

I grew up, as I said, in a Mennonite church. While there was a lot of good in my church, there was also some legalism (not isolated to Mennonite churches by any means, just my experience). There was a lot of making sure you do the right things and follow all the right "rules" especially on Sunday. That leads to a whole other topic on a 24/7 Christian life, however, back to my topic that I will actually finish...maybe. All these rules just seemed to lead to judgement. I look at people and what they were or weren't doing. It was almost normal to sit around with friends and just talk about people. "Did you hear what ______ did?" All these things that were just tearing people down, and ultimately, destroying the church. It wasn't until I started to learn what love was that I realized that this was just selfish and wrong. So what did I learn? I learned that I need to see the good in people. I need to see past the things I think. Nowhere in the Bible does it tell me that I should judge my brothers and sisters. It does say I should love. I also realized that Matthew 7:3 was very relevant to my life. I was spending so much time look at others that I missed myself. Often the things that bothered me in others were things I saw in myself. However, what I truly needed to do was learn to love myself and then love others. Love was not seeing what people did wrong, but loving them and caring about them despite it. Once I began to learn that, it was amazing how my attitude towards people changed. I no longer was angry or bitter at them, but I was longing for them to feel loved. It was no longer about what they did or didn't do, but what I could do so that they know I love them. I do not claim that I do this perfect, or even well, but God is working on me still, and forever will be. But learning to see people through God's eyes and not through mine is one of the biggest steps in my faith I think I've ever made. There is so much that can be done and such an impact if we simply loved. Imagine if all those who said they were Christians loved in the way Christ did. What kind of impact would that have? A good place to start is by looking at yourself and to be an example of Christ's love to the world.

On a lighter note, I've graduated college, finally. It only took me five years... Any ideas what to do with my life now?

What is love? Baby don't hurt me....

So love. What a huge powerful, meaningful word that can do so much. Yet, it is tossed around every day like it's simply nothing. "Man, I love that car." "I love cheeseburgers. Their taste dances on my tongue." You get the idea, and probably also understand I enjoy a good cheeseburger. However, is it all the same? John Mark McMillan talks about this in a commentary to a song he wrong called How He Loves and how there are different kinds of love. Has that word become so overused that it has lost it's real meaning? Do we as people know how to love one another?

In 1 John 3:18 it says, "Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. (New Living Translation)" I look around at our country, at our world, and wonder if we as humans are truly capable of loving our fellow humans.

Over the past few years, God has been working on my heart and mind about this idea of love. A verse that comes to mind is Mark 12:31. The basic idea is love others as you love yourself. Well that was easy for me. More for the fact that I was a self-loather than the fact I could easily love people. When you don't love yourself, it's easy not to love the rest of the people. So maybe the key to this was to love myself first.

For that we have to delve into the question of loving me. Why couldn't I love me? I think one of the biggest reasons for why it is so hard for me to love myself is because of where I find my value (As a side note, I do not have this all figured out by any means. This is simply where God has brought me so far). For far too long I have looked to other people to find out who I am. I look around at the people in my life, the society I live in, the groups I "run" with to find out who I should be and what is acceptable. I focused so much energy on trying to decipher the right things to do that I completely lost who I was. While there were times I liked myself, when you are trying to please everyone, you eventually become so burned out and weighed down you kind of start to hate yourself. Hence, I became a self-loather.

All this to say, God has shown me that there is no way I can ever be happy with myself until I find a definite and constant source to find my identity. Simply put, Him. I've slowly been moving my identity from the people around me to God. When I look to God, I am a man, who is loved. Not because I did something or deserve it, but because God loves me. With that, there is never someone I have to please, because He is pleased with me for who I truly am. Only after I finally learned to start at least liking myself because I am God's creation, can I start seeing others as they truly are. Beautiful creations of God, regardless of anything. Only after I began to love myself could I even fathom loving someone else.

So looking back over my post... I never answered what I started with. Do we still know how to love? Well maybe I will save that for next time because this has gone on far too long.

An Introduction

Ok so here goes whatever this is. I'm a twenty something year old post college student with a lot of ideas... and no where to put them. So here they are. Wrapped up in this neat little thing called a blog. I think the inspiration goes to my brother and sister who have started blogging as well. If they can do it, so can I. Perhaps not as well, but there will be posts.

So what is this blog going to be all about? I'm not sure where it's going to go. Because I recently graduated with a degree in education, I'm sure it will involve some of my teaching. I've also been dabbling in poetry, so it may contain some of that. I have also been looking into my faith and what I believe about Christ. I can promise you it will contain that. My life has be an interesting roller coaster of events to make me who I am, so this will also contain some personal lessons I've learned. Before I continue to aimless explain what you are going to read perhaps you should know some more about me.

From a young age, I grew up in a conservative family, conservative community, conservative life. I was conservative. To the point that I went to a conservative mennonite school through eighth grade. For High School I went to a public school, which was somewhat life changing. However, it was still a conservative community. For college I went to a state college that is, well easily put, completely not conservative. And that is where my life has been for the last 5 years (yeah 4 year degree, I know). My perspective may not be as unique as I'd like to think it may be, but I like the perspective on life that I have. (While we are on the topic about how I think, I think I'm hilarious so be warned. I promise there will be lame jokes and stupid puns, but back to the topic at hand.) I am a self proclaimed optimist. If you've ever seen the play Spamalot or seen the movie The Holy Grail, you may know the song Always Look On the Bright Side of Life... that pretty much explains it. I may be optimistic to the point of my own demise, but it's me and I like it.

Well enough about me and this blog. I'm sure to have a lot of spare time this summer so I'm sure that I will be back before long. I promise the next post to be something of substance. But, as the title of this post said, it was simply an introduction to what this is. Hope you enjoy. If you don't... well then don't read it.