Week two... the irony still exists.

Week two is gone. I don't have a lot of time, between moving and weddings and what not so this will be quick. Something I have discovered so far is the necessity to budget time for things that are important to you. Within the first week, I have found myself spending much more time looking through online news and playing a stupid number game on my phone. As was my assumption, it's not that social media is bad, it's just what I was filling my dead space with because I didn't have it budgeted for anything. Much like my time with God, when life isn't exactly what I expect, I make excuses for why I can't. This week has been "I'm working hard and just need to relax a bit" or "I"m stressed with moving and just need to chill." These inevitably turn into me doing nothing useful with my time. 

On a positive note, I have practiced my banjo more and read more. But mainly in the first few days. As soon as life took a slight curve, I took a slight break and then stopped. It can't just be an idea, it has to be a line in the sand. 

I was recently talking to my brother about this. He said that him and a co-worker are going on a smartphone fast. For maybe a few months or longer. The idea was to stop wasting time. There is also a lot of trouble you can get yourself into with smart devices. I think this is a great idea, don't get my wrong. However, the more I thought about it, the more I felt like you would simply find something else to waste time on. Unless we are intentional and decide that we are going to do x y or z, we will simply do nothing. I may be way off, or maybe its just my personality type. I think we need to evaluate it though. I am toying with the idea of journaling (not on here) my time each day for a week. Not to shame myself, but so that I become more conscience of my time. 

Recently I have been reading through Revelations. It can be a confusing and terrifying book to read. What I have gotten out of it, however, is that at some point this world will come to an end. I can't keep putting off kingdom work because I have my "own crap" to deal with. I need to be doing something to glorify God. I don't know how much time I have left and I don't want to be caught with my metaphorical spiritual pants down. I'm pretty sure social media, the news, 2048, or the other things I waste my time with are helping that. 

Quick disclaimer. I'm not saying you shouldn't watch movies or play video games or be on social media. I just challenge you to look at where a majority of your time is spent an evaluate what that is doing for you and for God. 

Ok, I gotta get ready for a wedding but I love you guys. I appreciate your time on this "quick" post. Questions comments concerns, post or email me mschroc2@gmail.com. Please send any prayer requests as well. And don't forget, it's never to late to start something new.

Mike 

Giving up social media for a month...

So it's been a while since I've blogged. I had some ideas to blog about, eve some good ones to blog about. They just didn't happen. I began to wonder why my life was "so busy" that I wasn't doing the things I really wanted to do. I started to examine my life. What was I doing with my spare time? 

I work a fairly physical job. It's in the construction field. It's not overly taxing most days, but still manual labor. When I get phone from work, many days I just want to sit and relax for a bit. The problem was I would sit, and just not get back up. There were so many things to distract me. There was social media, tv, the internet in general, all there ready to take the time from me that I could be using to cross off things on my goal list. Things like blog, run, learn to play the banjo, and so on. I'd get "caught up" on facebook or twitter, then it'd be to late to run, or I wasted the time I had to practice banjo by following some stupid hashtag through the twittersphere. 

I realized that one of my worst offending obsticles is social media. Many times throughout the day, on the drive to and from work, while sitting on the couch with Sarah, or just walking around, my first instinct was to open my phone and go through facebook, twitter, and/or instagram. Even when I'm supposed to be hanging out with people I was on my phone. 

So this is where this journy is starting. A month in the life of someone not on social media. How is this going to affect me? What will things look like after a month? Originally my intention was to ween myself off the desire to always be on my phone, but I think there may be more to it than that. Beyond just staying off social media, my goal is to be more intentional with my time. I hope that by the end of the month I feel in control of my time. Dave Ramsey, the finacial guru guy, talks about how if we don't budget and give every dollar a job to do we end up spending it on random things. The same is true with out time. If we don't budget time for doing x y or z, we usually end up not doing them and wasting those minutes on random other things. 

By my calculations, if I live to be 97 I have just over 36 1/2 million minutes left. Minus sleep and some unproductivity. The point being, I only have so much time. It's not an infinite time left on this earth. I need to make is count. I don't want to reach that the 36 millionth minute and realize that I worked hard but I have nothing to show for it. No one saw Christ in my life. I want to have an impact on people. Not so that I can be glorified, but so at the end of my life, people glorify God and celebrate him. It seems so ideological I know, but it's what's in my brain. 

So, for the next, at least month, I will be blogging about this. Hopefully once a week, but with my proven track record, we will see. And before you say anything, the irony that you probably found this on a social media network is not lost on me. I also don't think social media is terrible either. For me, I was just abusing it. I do think it can be a great tool. Maybe more on that later. 

If you have any questions, comments or anything please comment on the blog or email me at mschroc2@gmail.com. Also, please let me know if there is any way I can pray for you as well. One of my goals this month is to pray more and I would love to pray specifically for you. 

With love always,

Mike

Which apostle are you? I got Judas....

It is the Easter season. Arguably the most important season in the Christian faith. Our salvation hinges on the this point in which Christ dies because of what we did and in three days, was raised from the dead to sit in Heaven and to be our advocates. Such a pivotal moment. This Easter, as I sat in church and I listened to the last supper, the Garden of Gethsemane, and the crucifixion and resurrection I identified with someone in the story I had never thought of being like before. That person was Judas. 

For those who may be unfamiliar with Judas, he was one of the disciples of Christ. A friend and a follower. And on that night, he was willing to  betray Christ for some money. It's not like Judas didn't know who Christ was. Maybe he didn't truly believe Christ was who He said he was. It's hard to believe that someone who hung himself because of  what he did, didn't actually believe Christ was Christ. Either way, Judas was willing to betray Him for some gold. This was the point that struck me. That Judas, knowing Christ, was willing to betray him. And this is the part that I sadly related to. 

How often is it that I chose to betray God in my ability to gain things in the hear and now. Part of it is the worldly inability to have any type of delayed gratification. But a larger part for me is the ability to have the control. Maybe that's what it was for Judas too. Maybe, even knowing Christ, he wanted to make sure he had control and was able to take care of things. But what does this look like in my life?

For me, I looked at my life. I think about when I'm at work and the way that I may interact with people. I make sure not to rock the boat or I may compromise how I talk or what I talk to be able to fit it. To make sure that I fit in so I have a better shot at being accepted, maybe move up. Isn't that the same mentality that Judas used? Wasn't he merely compromising his faith to be able to gain more in the here and now? I started to realize how much I compromise things in my life and not just for financial gain. I compromise to gain friends. I compromise to gain status. I compromise to get things I want here and now. 

The weight of that decision haunted Judas to the point of hanging himself. Then we wonder why we feel so empty and why that job promotion or that new tv are such fleeting joy and don't bring real, true happiness. 

Just a thinking point. What are the things we are choosing over Christ? Just made analyze my own life and I hope you take a second to introspectively look at your own. 

As always, email me with questions, concerns, prayer requests. I'm changing my email though. It's mschroc2@gmail.com . If you enjoy my thoughts please share them on social media sites. I'd love for this blog to get some steam but I'm going to keep doing it either way. Even if no one else gets anything from this. Till next time.

Love you all,

Mike

Back In the Saddle

God has, I think, been doing work in my life and stirring in my spirit. I think it is because I have been slipping into a state of complacency. Since I spent time with my college church in Virginia at something called LT, I have been unable to be merely a Christian who is going to church and that's it. I think part of it to is God has been putting a lot of sermons into my life about works. This has been a kind of tough topic for me to face. To explain you need some background though.

Growing up, I attended a church whose denomination is, at least partially, a works based religion. That church has since done some cool things. and I'm excited about where God is taking some of the leadership. Anyhow, because of that "doing things to get to heaven" part of church was part of my Christian walk. One I really began to grow in Christ and find grace, I jumped to the other spectrum, and didn't want to do anything because of God's grace. 

In the past few months, time and time again, God has been bringing scripture, sermons, people, emphasizing not only the need for grace but for works. This has been a struggle and something I think I have fought against. One of my older, wiser brothers summed up his thoughts on this. It has to be a balance we do. We probably will never be in the right balance, but swinging like a pendulum on either side of the line. We should be seeking to make that swing as little as possible. And, more importantly, have grace for those who are on the other side of that line from us. After all, our goal as the body of Christ is not to be various types of Christians with so many various theologies and fighting and screaming and yelling. Our goal is to be united under Christ, have grace in the things Christ didn't specifically describe, and not seek to be "a better Christian" but simply be Christ to a world who doesn't know Christ. This is incredibly important in the light of hateful group who claim Christianity to seek to be Christ in people's lives...but that may be for another, and I am getting way off topic. 

So I have for so long seen how God's grace covers such a multitude of things in our life. I used it as an excuse not to do anything. At it's true, we don't need to do anything to gain God's favor. Reading my Bible won't get my into Heaven. Going to church won't get my into Heaven. Memorizing scripture won't get my into Heaven. But how often does Christ call us to do things. We are to known truths. We are to love others. We are to go out and make disciples. 

So this battle ensues within me. What does Christianity mean. Every decision we make is doing one of two things. It is either taking our focus to Christ or away. Reading my Bible won't get me to Heaven, but that decision to do that or not to do that is taking me towards Christ or away from Him. It's also either going to help us love others better to nothing at all if we choose not to do it. Those are basic examples. But I think it helps to illustrate this battle going on in my heart and head. This, in turn leads to the battle between my flesh and Christ. Because my flesh would much rather be satisfied then to seek God. 

This battle has brought back this discontent within my soul of simply living and going to church and allowing those to be disassociated with each other. Recently I was talking to a pastor I admire, and he reminded me, that Christianity should infiltrate every aspect of our lives. My heart is realizing that I am returning to a complacent life of going to church and leaving there and everything I learned at the door. Every aspect of our lives should be missional. Every moment is an opportunity to exemplify Christ to whoever is around it. I, admittedly, do poorly most days. I hope, however, it is a work in progress.

My challenge to you is to search your own heart. Which swing of the pendulum are you? Are you relying on grace alone and not seeking Christ and choosing ways to grow closer to Him? Are you relying on what you can do only to be able to earn that grace? How have you been treating those Christians who don't necessarily agree with you? Are you Christ to those you come in contact with? I struggle with these moment by moment. I hope they challenge you as much as they challenge me. 

As always, feel free to comment or email me at Optimisticprime15@gmail.com. And please tell me if there is anything you disagree with me or would like me to further explain my thoughts on. If there is something you would like me to pray for, I would love to pray for you so please drop me a line and let me know how I can do that. 

I love you all and there is nothing you can do about it.

And now for something...completely different.

So it has been entirely to long since I have done any writing or acknowledged life outside of work, church, and my wife. Which can be a good thing. Lately, however, I have been getting the urge/drive to create and to share my thoughts with the world. I have tossed around a few ideas, and decided that my blog had been gathering some dust. I decided this is a good place to start. I have also tossed about the idea of doing a podcast with my brother, but that has yet to go anywhere. That is, in a nut shell, my state of the bloggosphere speech. Any feed back on anything I have done of have thoughts about doing, or things I haven't even told you yet, you are welcome to. Thank you to those who have taken the time to read my random thoughts on life and various issues throughout the year or however long its been. 

I am HIGHLY underqualified...

 Earlier this week, God put something on my heart while I was at work. God is not looking for the right man for the job, He is simply looking for the willing man for the job. I thought about this for a while before I started to wrap my head around it. It was good enough to tweet, but what did it really mean for me? What was God trying to tell me. After a while, it began to crystallize in my head. But first, like usual, we need some background.

So as I have grown in my walk with Christ, I have heard a lot about how life is about God preparing us for where we are going. I can attest to this. Often God has pushed me to be patient because of the need for patience in something bigger. Or showed me where I am finding my ID because I will reach a point I must choose where to find it. I do believe things in our life are preparing us and we must grow.

,Several years back, I felt as though God said, I want to use you in ministry somewhere, but you're not ready. I took that to mean that He has some stuff for me first before I am there. I have gotten so caught up in that, that I keep waiting for me to be "ready". In doing so I have passed on opportunities because of it. I know I am lacking in areas. There is no way God wants me in ministry x because I still have so much crap to deal with. I just sinned, I obviously can't be used. Then God told me, you don't have to be ready, just willing. I have been holding back because I deemed myself unworthy to participate in God's plan. I realized two things about this statement. 

Number one, is that me believing my failures are holding me back are nother more that lies from Satan. How often I have believed him when he has berated me for sin, or held it over my head. Once I am forgiven by Christ, He sees it no more. Yet Satan would lead me to believe that it is now within my identity to be that kind of sinner. When there is an opportunity to serve, Satan reminds me of my sins and faults. But there is an even better part I realized.

The biggest reason God is looking for the willing man vs. the "right" man is that he wants to provide. The best part about being willing to allow God to use you, is that He is glorified. In our weakness, He is strong. When we wait until we are the right man for something, we are relying on ourselves to be able to. We are seeking what we can do to succeed. When we are simply willing, we must rely on God. He must be the one who is moving. We lose ourselves and seek Him alone. That is the beauty of being the willing man for a job we feel unqualified for. Not only must we seek God, but we get to see Him glorified. It's a good thing to, because I'm not sure I'd ever have been ready or able to otherwise. 

As a small disclaimer, this doesn't mean that God doesn't want to use you in places you excel or when you are the right man for the job, it simply means to be willing to follow His call even into an uncomfortable place or outside your box. Often, this is where we can see God move the most. Questions, comments, concerns, please feel free to comment here, or email me at optimisticprime15@gmail.com. Feel free to send any prayer requests too. You are always welcome to comment about past blogs, or future blogs... if you can figure out that one. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and the New Year has been bright. 

With love always,

Optimistic Prime

Priorities

So, a few weeks ago my Pastor preached on John 4. The passage is the story of the woman at the well. It's a great story and Pastor Steve did a great job with it. However, there was part of the passage that stood out that wasn't part of the message.

Essentially, when the disciples return to Jesus, they ask Him if he would like anything to eat. He responds with, essentially, He has food they don't know about. He is, however, referring to the reason God sent him. The passage that struck me was John 4:34:

"Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work."

His priority list is what struck me. 1) Gods work 2) the rest. His priority, above anything else, was to do the will of God who sent Him. 

All to often my priorities are 1) Coffee 2) work 3) Xbox 4) sports 5) God... How sad. Jesus shows us through this, that our number one priority is God. Above even food, God is number one. Yet, if I have free time, I'd rather play Xbox instead of spending time with God. It just struck me how intimate my relationship with God would be if I simply spent my free time seeking Him and prioritize Him above all else. 

This started me thinking about where my prioritize are and where my identities are. If you have read some my previous posts, you know I have talked about the need to find our identity in God. I just began to think about the things in my life I put in priority. Work, for example, is a priority. Yes it is a necessary evil at the time. Maybe some day I'll be able to be in full time ministry, but not the point. As I recently talked with a group about, it can also be a way of getting things and acquiring more stuff. It becomes a priority for me. Even in work, my priority should be God, and not to get more stuff. My money should be spent with honoring God in mind. I pray, read my Bible (not as often as I should), go to church, but how often do I think of God before even the basic necessities. If we seek Him, won't He provide those anyhow?

I know a close friend who took a vow of poverty. I thought about how bizarre that seems and couldn't understand why. Looking at it now, I can understand. It adjusts our priorities. It takes a HUGE issue of stuff, and makes it a non issue. Just makes me wonder what other things we/I could give up? What are things we put in front of a God that we don't need at all? I. Don't have the answers, but I'm pretty sur God's willing to help me figure it out. Just think if we out God and His desire infront of our own. Would we drive past the stranded car beside the road because we have to get somewhere? Would we pass up the opportunity to build relationships, discipleing opportunities, or opportunities to share God because we are to busy with work? What would happen to God's kingdom?

Well that's all I got. I hope you think about the priorities you have in life. What small decisions can you make to start to reprioritize? Remember that we can't change instantly, we have to take small steps. And when you fail, get up and try again.

As always, please share this on social media or however way you want. Even if you want to print it out and snail mail it. My hope is that God will be glorified and someone's heart will be changed or softened. Email me at optimisticprime15@gmail.com with questions, comments, concerns, or prayer requests. You are also welcome to post comments on this page. 

I already love you,

Optimistic Prime

Clearly an issue

There are many different issues the church faces. Issues that divide the church, whether it's sexuality, alcohol, praise, or any other number of things. However, there is one issue that I believe that stands above the rest. I'll get to that in a bit but first let me tell you some more about me.It wasn't until my Sophomore year at Kent State University that my faith finally started to become real. Well that's where it started but the real transformation wasn't until the summer between Sophomore and Junior year. I was attending a campus church at  Kent State and had the opportunity to go to Virginia Beach for a summer to work and, more importantly, learn more about God and my relationship with Him. That will definitely be the summer that changed my life forever. There was many things I learned that summer, but most importantly, was that I wasn't worse that other Christians, nor was I any better. This step came to me as I sat in a coffee shop across a table from one of my favorite mentors, Chad Frank. For the first time in my life, I poured out my life, and my sins, to a friend and brother in Christ. As we talked, I finally realized that I was never meant to carry this burden alone. I had read James 5:16 before but never took it to heart. Turns out that God didn't include that in the Bible just for anyhow. When He told us to confess our sins to each other, it was for excellent reason. The need for transparency in a church is huge.This is what I see missing in many churches and many relationships today. This need for transparency is huge for the church to be able to thrive as God intended it to. One of the biggest reason I think transparency is important is that we are helping each other to carry our burdens. The church in Acts shared everything, food, money, ect... and I"m pretty sure they shared their struggles too. When we talk to others about the things in our life we are struggling with, we open up communication with people who, not only can see it from a different perspective, but allows God to speak into your life verbally through someone else. This alone is a huge reason that transparency is necessary in the Body of Christ. When I was going through school and attending H2O (my college church), sharing my burdens meant I was real with someone, they knew me, and they challenged me, daily, in my relationship with Christ. I had to, however, intentionally seek those relationships with the men at church that I attended. It was on me to be open and honest. I was on me to be transparent enough for them to see through me. The second reason, and maybe as big of a reason transparency is important, is what it does to our mindset of others. One HUGE things that happened to me as a result of intentional transparency with others is the lack of condemnation that came from that. As I built those relationships  within the church, I didn't receive condemnation from the people. I received love and support. I also realized that there were things in their lives that they were struggling with. Turns out, everyone has something they are struggling with or struggle with at times. No on in the church is perfect. When we are willing to share our lives, we lose our ability to judge others. When I talked to my friend Bob about my struggle with pornography, he could relate because he struggles with telling dirty jokes to his friends at work. We then have an opportunity to minister into each other's lives. This is what the church is about. Not a place to come to, act as if we have it all together, raise our hands in praise, take notes on a sermon, and return home. It has got to be a place we share life, where we cultivate relationships that minister to each other. To often churches are a place where we go to put on our mask of "righteousness" (if you look it is not part of the armor of God) and pretend everything is ok. News Flash - The Church is not free from sin - We have got to stop acting like it is. Take off the mask and start to live as the church of Acts did, in communion with each other in life. My challenge to you is to start the step of transparency. I'm not asking you to stand in front of the church and talk about your struggles like an amazing friend of mine did. (Unless God is calling you to that). I'm not even asking you to tell your small group. Maybe you need to start with one close friend. Be open and honest with them. Allow the to see threw you and what's going on in your life. Allow them to know your struggles and open your life to them. You will be amazed what God has in store for you.As always, email or comment with questions, comments, or concerns. Either on this page or at optimisticprime15@gmail.com. If you have anything you would like prayer for, please let me know. I"d be more than willing to pray with you and for you. I urge you to find that person you can talk to. If you are more willing with a perfect stranger, talk to me for now. I love you already and there is nothing you can do about it. With God's love,Optimistic Prime. Dear God,Thank you for the ability to write these words and for your grace in my life. Thank you for the people you have put in my life that allow me to be transparent and to help carry burdens and that minister into my life. Thank you for putting words on my heart and I pray you move in the lives of those who read these words and that you bless their relationship. Optimistic Prime

The wrong rock to hold to

Well it's been a while, but life has been busy. Unfortunately, that shouldn't be an excuse for not making time for things that I feel God has put on my heart. Which sort of has to do with my most recent conviction.

About a week ago, my brother spoke at church about addiction. This led me to seek more deeply the thought of addiction and idols in my own life. So here goes.

Typically we think of idols as things we worship. Money, sex, power, etc... However, the more I have thought about it, the more I realize that idols are simply anything that take the place of God in our lives. The idols in our lives are simply the things in our lives in which God is not the forefront of our thoughts and priority. The times when these are most evident are times during which we are stressed, frustrated, hurt, or emotionally charged.  The things we turn to at these times apart from God are the things in our lives we hold as idols. For me it was, and is,  numerous things. I have held or do hold relationships, food, and sexual sins. I have turned to those, any others, for comfort during the times when things got "hard". For others, it may be alcohol, tv, sports or any other numerous things. The things we turn to instead of God in times of trouble are things that are idols. The things that make us feel better and comfort us. Now, this isn't to say that when we are sad we shouldn't eat some ice cream sometimes or enjoy comfort food. They shouldn't, however, take the place of God in our lives. Here is the perspective God has been working to show my in my life. When I turn to other things apart from Him to fill voids or cover emotions, I am trying to find a way apart from God to solve these issues. I am not relying on Him to fill all my needs, like we are called to do. I am attempting to find my own way, and my own path apart from Him. The problem with these idols is that every time I would turn to them, or do turn to them, I end with the same feeling. Disappointment, pain, self loathing, guilt, or other  feelings of failure. Which makes me want to dive into more of the same idol. 

Even worse that the feelings that follow these idols, is the feeling of dependency in which we can find on in those idols. One issue I had from a young age through adulthood is the issue of pornography. While God has given me freedom throughout various times in my life, I have struggled on and off with it from a young age. When I first began to notice it as a sin and idol in my life is when I would go months with no relapse, only to fall back into a pattern of sin. All of those times were inevitably entered into during a time of stress, uncertainty, or fear. I I would have only consciously decided to seek God during these times, how much better off would I be? But then you may not be reading these words. Regardless, I am thankful for God's grace in my life and for His life apart from my sin. The greatest thing about God, is that He loves me and there is nothing I can do about it. 

All that to say, that perhaps it's healthy for us to look at our own lives. Take time to be introspective. Ask God to show you what idols you have bee turning to, seeking comfort. Do you turn to alcohol to numb the feelings? Do you sit down in front of the TV to escape reality? Do you run through your pain to escape? Do you seek comfort in food or a relationship with the opposite sex? Where do you need to learn to seek God first and foremost? 

As you look at your own idols, please know one thing. If you take this seriously and begin to look into yourself and seek God, know that Satan will test you. The closer we get to God, the hard Satan will fight to keep us away. Chance are, you'll also fail, but know God love you. He is mad about you. There is NOTHING you can do to earn His love nor His salvation, and there is nothing you can do to stop Him from loving you. We must know our Identity in Christ. For more on that, I believe I have a blog somewhere in the past. 

Ok, that's it for today but there is another blog shorty to follow. I feel as if this has been some muddled thoughts, but my prayer is that someone out there needed to hear this and seeks God. If you need someone to talk to, have a prayer request, or just have thoughts or ideas, my email is optimisticprime15@gmail.com and feel free to comment here. I love you all already. Please feel free to share this on facebook, twitter, google+, or other social media. Talk to you again soon.

Optimistic Prime!!

There's Always a Catch

So as some of you may know, I grew up Mennonite which many people confuse with Amish. If you see me now with my current giant beard you may believe so. Anyhow, being Mennonite and actually having some connection to the Amish culture, though I usually deny it. The Amish have a very legalistic religion. The thought is that if you do enough and/or live just the right way that you will earn your way into heaven. Throughout the Bible it even talks about how our salvation is found through Christ and through a relationship with Him. If you have time, check out Ephesians 2:8 and Titus 3:5 as two examples about how what we do can not save us. So I started to ponder why. And honestly, the whole thing really started spinning in my head after reading an article about Amish "technology". The article was basically talked about the things the Amish have done to be able to use things that traditionally require electric. So they do things like have a cell phone that they don't bring in the house, or set up a phone at the end of the drive so it's not in their house. At first I was baffled and how they are simply finding loopholes to get around their "rules". It seemed silly.

That's the point I started to look at my own Christian walk. Growing up Mennonite, I grew up in a legalistic type of setting as well. You should do this and you shouldn't do that. OK there are things we should and shouldn't do. I shouldn't kill someone and I shouldn't lie. But if I rely on those things to get my into heaven, I'm only going to search out the loopholes around them. No this probably isn't true for everyone and maybe I"m being to general. Stop and think about it though. How often do you set a rule for yourself simply to search for the loophole around it. If we are relying on our own ability to follow the rules we will simply fall short and fail. The Bible even talks about it. The reference evades me at the moment but essentially states if we rely on ourselves to follow the Old Testament rules, we will fail. It strikes me how often I try to earn credit with God. It doesn't work. I always end up failing. So what can I do?

If you reread the verses from above you will see that we are saved by faith and my consciously accepting Christ's Grace for us. This doesn't mean that I can do whatever I want and, he its cool cuz God saved me. But it means we must focus on our relationship. When we can sit and focus on God and what He has and what He is speaking into our lives, then we change. We don't change by our own desire or attempts. We change because God changes our hearts and creates in us what we can truly be. He is the only one who can change us. If we do it on our own, we fail.

This is one of the most eye opening things for me to really see. I am a perfectionist by nature and when I fail I take it personally. So when I fail to follow a rule I believe God set, I get down on myself. I'm not growing. For me, it usually means falling deeper into sin due to frustration and anger at myself. This becomes a vicious circle. There is absolutely no way I can rely on myself to be able to please God with what I can do, because I will end up in a bad place. Not only is there no way for me to never break the rules, when I do, it makes things worse. 

So back to this relationship with God part. When I truly have a relationship with Him and am relying on Him to save me, it isn't the end of the world when I screw up. I seek God, and He helps me to grow through the experience. He picks me up, brushes me off, and helps to show me where I went wrong. He isn't worried that I am not perfect, simply seeking to be in a relationship with me. A God that loves me enough to truly WANT a relationship with me. It continues to boggle my mind that the Creator of the universe would want to know me, and want me to deeply know Him. 

Hope you got something from this. As always, feel free to contact me either through comments on the blog or email at optimisticprime15@gmail.com. Please tweet, facebook, google+ (I know, no one actually uses google+) or whatever else you deem worthy my blog link to get it out there. If you have anything you'd like prayer for, let me know. If there is the first blog you've read, feel free to read some of my older stuff to and comment on that as well :). I love you guys and there is nothing you can do about. 

Optimistic Prime 

What is love, baby don't hurt me...

So I have been doing something new at work recently. I have been working as a carpenter this summer. Typically I will put in ear buds that help cut the noise, turn on some music, and go into my own little base coping world (trim words sorry). Well lately, instead of listening to The Avett Brothers or Trampled By Turtles (both bands you should check out if you like banjos), I have been listening to some books on tape or various sermons by one of my favorite pastors, Mike Smith. Well I finally finished the book, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I've only started the book roughly a dozen times. This is the first time I've actually finished it. I have a theory that the Devil finds a way to make me to busy when I'm reading a really good book that could really change my perspective. Ok so that was way to long to get to where I am going.

Either way, something really struck me last few parts I listened to of Blue Like Jazz. Donald Miller was talking about love. If you've read some of my older blogs, you would realize how important I think love is in our Christian walk. Well two things struck me that Miller said about love. The first was how important it is that we love ourselves. In Mark 12:31, Jesus says that we must love our neighbors as ourselves. In Blue Like Jazz (it takes to much time to type that all our so from here on out BLJ...which I will probably not mention again), Miller talks about our inability to love others if we can't first love ourselves. Our ability to fulfill this commandment from Christ is almost impossible, unless we can stop being so self loathing. This struck me hard as I was nailing some base on a wall (more trim words). Maybe you don't struggle with this. Maybe you love who you are, and if so, I applaud you. I, however, am self loathing, self deprecating, and, for the most part, never pleased with who I am. As Donald talks in his book, it is incredibly important we are able to love ourselves. Our inability to love ourselves is a symptom of our inability to accept Christ's love for us. In looking down our ourselves, we are saying that Christ did not create me right, He messed up, and his grace and love isn't enough... Yowza. If we can just accept Christ's love and realize that we are made EXACTLY the way we are supposed to be. When we can be ok with who God has made us, THEN we can start to love those around us. We can begin to pour out our love on those around us. I think, at that point, we can't help but love others. When we finally fully accept Christ's love, it will infect your entire life. Man is that a hard point to get to though. We will never, I think, fully understand the depth and expanse of Christ's love. When we can understand, however, that it covers any sin. That Christ loves us to no end. I need to accept that more.

The second thing that struck me was how we should love Christ. Donald tells a story of a friend who was visiting different churches and ministries and asking them questions about what they do that works and general questions about faith. As he sat across from the leader of a large organization. A big, fairly burly man sitting behind a large, oak desk. He looked at the man and asked him who Jesus is to him. The man couldn't answer but simply began to weep. Christ affected him so much, and he loved Christ so much that all he could do was weep and the mention of His name. I know Christ, and I understand what He did and I am grateful. Am I, however, in a relationship with Christ to the point that I love Him that much that I weep for Him. Maybe you aren't the weeping type, but the emotions that thinking of Christ elicit. I am 41 days away from being married to an amazing woman. I think about the ways I love her. I love to tell others about how wonderful she is. Ok some of this is engagement/puppy love I know. But I love her. I can't help but talk about her (in good ways). My love for Christ should be even deeper. It should affect me even more. That hit me even harder. That truth slammed me hard. I know Christ. I think He's pretty cool. I even fear God. But do I love Him to that depth? As Donald says, it takes a relationship to reach that point. You need to be seeking to know Christ. You must be longing to know His character. Just like I love my smoking hot future wife (as my friend Brian says. Side note, check out his hilarious podcast Review Everything Podcast. It's worth a listen) because I know her. I love her more because I know her more. I need to get to know Christ to love Him more. The more I seek Him and i understand the depth of who Christ is, the more I will love Him. I think the biggest question that remains is if I am willing to put in the work to get to know Christ and do I have the longing to know Christ to the point I love Him that deeply. 

Well that was intended to be a short blog, that seemed to have more elicit more than I thought from my heart and mind. I hope you received some truth from this as well. If you have any questions or anything to say, please comment or e-mail me at optimisticprime115@gmail.com.  I love you all already and there is nothing you can do about it. 

With Love,

Optimistic Prime

P.S. As always, if you enjoy this or something hits you, share it with others. My hope is just to get the words God put on my heart out there. I figured He put me there for a reason.

The Typical

So I have been doing some work with a friend doing construction while I have my summer off. The other day at the job site I slightly overheard the conversation when my friend asked who I was. My friend is a Christian guy, as is the rest of his crew. Long story short, this man jokingly referred to us as "typicals". At one point he said that he was surrounded by a punch of typicals. So I did some quick research.

In the United States, about 73%-77% of the population identify themselves as Christians. I'd cite my sources...but if you want to find out, google it. That means that in a group of 10 people, almost 8 would consider themselves Christian. If you walked into your local breakfast diner at 10:30 in the morning on Saturday, of those 20 - 30 people in there, about 16-24 of them consider themselves Christian. 

As I sit back and think about those numbers, I wonder if I really want to be a typical American. When you sit back and think about what that means in terms of being a Christian... well I understand why some people have a very hard time identifying Christians with the Christ of the Bible that we are to emulate. This isn't me coming down on people either. This is me being as guilty as any of, to a point, defiling the term "Christian". It also makes me realize how loosely we throw that term around. How easily people say, "Oh yeah, I'm a Christian." Like I talked about last week, getting married and budgeting and trying to stay Christ-like has been a very humbling event for me. It made me realize how poor of an example I have been of being Christ-like to those I come in contact with daily. 

I know I have talked about it before, but I'm talking about it again. If as many people who claimed they were Christians, lived a true Christian walk, can you imagine what this world would be like? If it was just those who went to church on a regular basis lived a true Christ-like faith can you imagine? If simply the number of people who read this silly blog could live a completely Christ-like faith... I'm not saying none of you do, it's more of a challenge to me. If I could only live a Christ-like existence. If I could love the people I came in contact with as much as Christ loved. If I could give as freely and without worry, with both time and money, as Christ asked us to. 

The best part of this is, God still wants to use untrusting, unloving at time, broken me. One of my wonderful, gorgeous, fiancé's favorite characters in the Bible is Peter. Not because of what Peter did, but because of how big of a screw up he was, and how great God was glorified threw him. We discussed this recently at a friends wedding as the read about the washing of the feet. Peter ask Jesus not to wash his feet. Jesus tells him that unless he allows him to that Peter cannot be clean. Peter immediately jumps to the other ends and ask's Christ to wash all of him then. Countless times throughout the New Testament you just shake your head at Peter. Yet God used him. Maybe there is hope for me after all. The major thing with Peter is that no matter what, he was passionate about God and was striving to seek Him and desired to serve Him. Peter may have been a screw up, but his heart was in the right place.

So I covered a lot there and my brain wasn't exactly flowing neatly so let explain...there is no time, let me sum up. If you consider yourself a Christian, think about your actions and what they say about Christians. Do you want others to see Christianity through your actions. But, have faith that if you truly try to follow Christ, HE will be glorified. We need to make sure we are seeking God with the right heart, and with the right motives. With or without us, however, He will be glorified. We just have to choose whether or not we are willing to die to self and be a part of it.

Ok I'm done, but as always I love you all and thanks for reading this. Tweet it, Facebook it, Myspace it (yeah right), share it. I hope you got something from this. Send me feedback or questions or comments. Either leave them here or e-mail me at optimisticprime15@gmail.com.

Finally, if you guys could pray for me and my future wife. We have to rely on God a lot as we move forward with our lives. It has been hard for me to trust in God to provide for us so just pray for faith for me and a willingness to allow God to move in His timing. Thankfully he has provided me with a wonderful woman to keep me focused on him. If you guys have an prayer requests, PLEASE e-mail me. I can share them confidentially on here and with friends, or I can simply pray for you myself. Either way, please don't hesitate. 

With love always,

Optimistic Prime

I'm back...I think

You know, it's amazing how sure we can be that God wants us to do something. Yet, how quickly give up when it seems uneventful, unexciting, or not what WE hoped for. It is so hard for me to completely trust God, and not think that I know better because I am living it. I look at this blog and have no idea what God may be doing or who He may be affecting, but I gave it up simply because I didnt see anything, and I "didn't have time".  But that's not what I wanted to talk about this time.

First an update. I am back in NE Ohio after living in Columbus for about a year and a half. I really felt that God wanted me back near my family right now. Maybe it's due to parents getting older or who knows, I jut felt it's where I needed to be. I also just completed my first year of teaching. The first 6 months were at a charter school in Columbus. (Side note, if you are a teacher... REALLY REALLY research a charter school before you take a job at one.) The last three months were at an off site classroom. The schools caters to school districts who send children who have behavior issues, most resulting from emotional issues. It is definitely a challenging job, but has also been really good.

I also got engaged over the past year and I am currently, with my future bride, in the crux of wedding planning. It's not always what I would consider fun, but has been good. During this process, we have been doing premarital counseling. That has been super awesome. Ben and Dara is the couple who has been talking with us and they are phenomenal people who I have quickly grown to love. Talking with them, however, is what may have made me the most discouraged. Not at anything they did or said. Simply what was revealed through our talks.

A few weeks ago we were talking about finances and both Ben and Dara suggested we should live off of one of our salaries so that if we decided to have children it wouldn't be a nearly impossible adjustment to make. I thought this was an excellent idea, so Sarah and I sat down to make a budget. We decided to use my salary because, at the moment, I have a full time job with benefits and Sarah is still working part time doing design work. We used a work book and some online sources to create a spreadsheet that uses percents. For a nerdy guy like me, it was fun creating, until I entered in my salary and looked at the money we had for all of our stuff for the year... It was at this point I became super discouraged. I know I don't make a lot of money, but looking at what we had to spend on housing and groceries and, worst of all, "fun" stuff seemed like nothing. My excitement for marriage went from way high to ... really?!?... I was still super stoked to marry Sarah, it just seemed impossible with that much money. Seriously, how can Sarah and I be comfortable with a budget like that...

Talking with Ben and Dara helped me to realize the good God can do if we trust Him with this, but it wasn't until I was talking with my cousin Brian that I truly go a glimpse of God at work. We were talking about a book he has been listening to called More or Less. The basic premise is that as Americans, we typically have enough and how we need to be more willing to give of what we have. But as I talked about this book with Brian, I realized how much I have lived in excess over the past several years. I was by no means wealthy, but I had enough and would quickly spend on things I didn't need. I enjoy Starbucks coffee, but being a Gold Member there is not something I'm proud of. I am typing this on my iPad as I check e-mails on my iPhone. I wake up each morning with a choice of what to eat for breakfast and pack for my lunch. I have freedom to choose so much. As I sat and thought about all of my excess, I just felt God saying "Trust Me and watch what I can do with you". I thought about what Ben and Dara told be, about how God had done some incredible things in their lives because they were able to trust Him, giving freely, KNOWING God would provide for their needs.

So are you living in excess? My challenge is to sit down and think about all the things we live with that we don't need. What is are you spending money on in excess that you could be using to bless others and glorify God? I'm not calling anyone out or trying to belittle anyone. I just want you to think about how much you have and how much you give. Maybe God just wanted to convict me. Maybe this blog is for me to read through time and time again and be reminded that I must be willing to give. I don't need that perfect apartment, I just need one that Sarah and I can fit in. I don't need my weekly dose of Starbucks, that freshly ground cup of 8 o'clock was pretty tasty today. I should be searching for ways to bless others with my excess, not searching for was to spend the excess I have. I truly believe God has put me in this position because HE wants to bless others through me and HE will be glorified through it. I only hope I can trust Him enough to allow Him to work. I hope you will all keep me accountable to living faithfully to Christ and trusting Him, especially with my finances.

For those who want to, you can actually download the book More or Less on Noisetrade.com. It is a wonderful site you should check out anyhow. You can download music, and even books sometime, by donation. Yes that means you can download stuff for free if you wish.

Well until next time, I love you guys and I hope God has given you something. As always, comment or email me at optimisticprime15@gmail.com with anything. E-mail me if I haven't blogged in a while... sometimes I need some help with that :).

Optimistic Prime

PS. Please tweet, facebook, other social media this. I want to get this out there and see what God can do. PEACE.

STOP!!!! and smell the roses

So today I had some time to kind of hang out and do whatever. After some frustrating news I decided that I was going to go spend some quiet time with God.  I decided to try to find a quiet place full of nature in the city.  I did some searching and found a beautiful waterfall that just happened to be minutes from my house. It seemed like a perfect place to read and what not. So I made my way there and I sat to enjoy the hidden place in the city. After several minutes I decided to "get down to business".

I tried to read some in Ephesians... but I got nowhere. Then I tried to read a book, and got nowhere either.  I was frustrated why God would not speak to me through this. Then finally He said, "Hey, I love you. Please just enjoy my company and relax". I finally did and just felt His joy and his presence.

I enjoyed God and while I did I journaled some and I realized something. I don't give God enough credit. I realized this as I sat beside the pool at the bottom of this beautiful waterfall. Here I saw fish, frogs, crawfish, gorgeous dragonflies, and numerous other of God's creation. In the midst of chaos and hustle of a city sits a perfect example of what God can do and how beautiful God can make chaos. I realized how many times I've walked past God beauty and passed it off as same old same old or everyday. I walk past a blooming rose bush or smile tulips and think they are pretty but I don't give credit to God.

From there my mind began to realize how often small things happen in my life and I give myself credit or think they were just luck. Simply things in life like a cool cloudless sky on a ride home or warm sunshine at just the right time. I think of oh how luck I am and not God smiling down on His creation at just the time His creation needed it. How great and personal is our God?

Finally, as I sat by the waterfall God smiled at me and said, "You see this waterfall? I created it for you". My God looked down when He was creating the world and knew that someday I would need that waterfall to sit and reflect. Man does God love me!!! It's funny that I had all these plans for reading and studying and seeking. All God wanted was for me to be with Him. He wanted me to be there then, in that moment.

I hope as you read through this you know just how desperately God loves you and wants to spend time with you, and, above all, wants to have that deep personal relationship with you. Stop and just listen, you never know what he wants to tell you. God bless.

With Christ's love,
Optimistic Prim

optimisticprime15@gmail.com

Thank God I read Job!!

On Sunday the church I attend was continuing a series going through Exodus and the Israelites and Moses. The teacher was covering the final plague that God used to bring His people out of Egypt and from under Pharaoh's control. It was the killing of the first born males. Animals and humans a like would have their first borns killed. The only ones to be spared were those who had the blood over their door. The blood of a spotless first born lamb. God then calls the Israelites to remember this through Passover. This is also a foreshadowing to Christ and what he has done for us. Like in the original Passover, there is a choice to be made. We must choose to put Christ's blood around our door. We must choose His grace and redemption. (This story can be found in the first part of Exodus. From Moses birth through the plagues)

This is information that I have known but God put it on my heart a new way on Sunday. There is nothing I can do to my door myself. I can lock it, I can bar it I can do whatever I want, but the angel of death does not discriminate. I saw this picture of a door. On that door was my name. In big letters, there it was. The only thing that can stop be from certain death is for me to accept Christ blood and to put that around my door. I must accept the fact that Jesus, as my lamb, died. He died, however, not for humanity. He died for me. He died, suffered, bled, felt more pain that I ever could because He thought of me. He looked down from the cross as said "Optimistic, I forgive you and your sins are forgiven. I loved you enough to do this." He died because He knew I needed it. Just this thought of Christ moved me to tears. To be able to grasp that personal love of my creator. He loves me and He created me for Him. What a beautiful and moving picture of Christ? This also means that every time I allow sin to win I am telling Christ "sorry it just wasn't enough for you to die". A bit of a sobering thought, perhaps, but also powerful.

That's not all He laid on my heart though. These last few month have been tough, needless to say. I have no idea what the future holds for me, my job is not exactly paying me, and I've had some health scares. It has been trying on my and on my faith. Where is God going with all this? As I sat in church and reflected on Christ's decision to save me God said asked me if I remember reading about Job. If you remember from earlier in this blog I read through Job. What an awesome man of God? He was incredible. He was stripped of everything and yet he believed in God. Now I am in no way saying I am Job or I have remotely suffered like he did. It made me think though. If Job can do it with what Satan took from him, why can't I. I have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I need to remain faithful to my God. There were times when Job wished he was dead, he wished it would just all end. Most of the time, he didn't even get anything from God letting him know he was going to be ok. Yet, he remained faithful. I say this not because I want your sympathy or anything. It's just what's going on and on my heart. Who know's where God is taking me. I know it may get worse. But God has deemed me worthy of going through this. He thinks I have what it takes. I Corinthians 10:13 essentially says that God will never let us be tempted beyond what we can handle and He will never give us anything we can't take. God has deemed me a man. I have what it takes (prayers for strength are welcomed though). I know it won't be easy but I welcome where God takes me because I'm being seasoned and readied for His glory.

I hope this encourages anyone going through crap in their life that seems to overbearing and to heavy. Remember, God wouldn't let you face it if He didn't think you could do it. Step up to the plate and be ready to fight (perhaps a mixed metaphor but you get the point). Don't be disheartened by trials and struggles. Remember it is God's faith in your strength. God truly blew my mind with this one, I hope you receive as much hope from this as it gave me.

With all the love of Christ

Optimistic Prime

Hey don't forget you are always welcome to ask me whatever questions or comments you have. I am by no means the final word on anything. These are simply my thoughts and feels and am welcome to anything God has laid on your heart in opposition or agreement with anything I write.

When EVERYONE says it, sometimes it's true...

Ever since I joined h2o Kent State back in... well it was a while ago, the men in my life couldn't believe that I had never read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. So many of those men told me I need to read it. So 4 years later I sat down to finally read it. I am currently through chapter 5... Man I wish I had read this book back in high school. This book has given me an astounding look into my heart and who I am as a man. Seriously, any men out there should read this. Any women out there, it wouldn't hurt. This will definitely give you an interesting look into the heart of men, or maybe more specifically your own. If you are like me, there is in fact a movie by the same title. I wouldn't watch the movie instead of read the book however, because they are completely different. Mainly because one is a book about the heart of men and one is a movie about two lovers being hunted by her crazed mothers hired assassin (I haven't seen in btw just a synopsis from IMDb). But I'm on a rant about how good the book is and I am by no means a book critic. So let me get down to this.

As it turns out, every boy growing up looks for the answer to the question, "Am I a man? Do I have what it takes?" Throughout the book it talks about how our fathers are the ones who tell us that we are men. This is not blaming my father, because he is an awesome man who did an excellent job in raising me and my siblings. However, he is not perfect. Somewhere a long the line I stopped turning to my father to see if I'm a man. Like so many men I turned to women to tell me that I am a man. To tell me what I have what it takes. But like John Eldredge says, if we turn to "Eve" for the answer to THE question, it will break my heart every time. Looking back over my high school years and even through most of college, that is who I turned to. It's just interesting to think that if I had read this book back then, maybe I'd be that much closer to being a man instead of a boy who is finally on his way to be man. Regardless, It happened. John Eldredge also says that every time we turn to women to answer that question, it will end in addiction or emasculation. I'm sure like many men who have read this book before me, I felt like he was simply retelling me what happened throughout my journey to where I am now. Addictions sexually especially for me. And every time I start to doubt the fact that I am a man or that I have what it takes I turn back to those. As my future is in limbo and I don't know what is going on next and I'm worried about life, I feel myself start to gravitate back towards those addictions. Why? because I need something to tell me I am a man and I have what it takes. Even though that is a temporary fix and will not last.

Anyhow, I'm not going to sum up the whole books, because I wouldn't do it justice and I would miss so much that was meant to touch another mans heart. Maybe I wrote this blog simply for my own understanding of my own heart. Maybe it was because I simply needed to say it "out loud". But this is where I am. I am starting on a battle to win back my heart. A heart formed after God's masculine side. The dangerous side. The passionate side. The side that will fight. 

For my brothers out there that realize that Christianity doesn't save you from all this, welcome to the front lines. The men (not the boys the MEN) of the church. It's times to stand up, it's time to fight back, it's times to regain the hearts of men. One of the most important things I've gained from my reading is this. There is a reason every wound is a precision shot to our weakest spot. It's not a mere accident that Satan targets those. He does it because he's terrified and he knows what will hurt us the most. He knows that if we men finally regain our masculine hearts that we can do some serious damage. Well boys... it's time to become men. I know this is true in my life. Time to unleash a dangerous God in my life. 

In Christ's love,

Optimistic Prime

A Call To Return

I had all but given up on this blog. Why would people want to hear what I have to say? What do I have to say that is important at all? What makes me think that I should do this? I had missed a few weeks, then a few more, and eventually I decided it wasn't worth going back to it for the afore mentioned reasons. But recently I have been reading a book called Wild At Heart. (I know finally right?) Regardless I have and it has been an eye opening read thus far.

For those of you who have not read this book, it talks about the heart of a man and where it is not and what it was truly created for. Essentially, we were not created to be these wishy-washy Christian men who have little passion. The true heart of a man can be summed up as wanting an adventure to live, a battle to fight, and a beauty to win. It was just an incredibly interesting look into the heart of a man and what, even the church, has made it become. All this to say, I started to wonder what my passions are and where my desires lay. That's when this blog popped into my head. Regardless of how I feel about the relevance of blog, God laid it on my heart a year ago to start writing down the things He has laid on my heart. Despite what I may feel, must follow him and where He is leading. I have a passion for this, whether I feel adequate or not. Needless to say, I'm here and I'm writing again. 

I have also realized that I need to be more intentional about following Christ daily and doing all I can in every moment he gives me. Last night in my small group we had an excellent discussion about making sure that regardless of where we are or what we are doing that we are making sure we realize that our time, our money, our lives, are not ours but Gods. He has given us what we have, therefore, it is not ours to just use however we want, but to search for Him in every moment. I've been thinking through this a lot today about what it means for my future and what I am doing now. I keep searching for where God wants me to go and what he wants me to do to no avail. I must trust that I must continue to search for Him and have faith that if I truly follow Him and seek Him in all things, He will provide and He will lead me. That being said, I could use some prayer as I seek Him as well in this matter.

With true love,

Optimistic Prime 

iTrust... nothing to do with Steve Jobs.

First I'm sad to hear of Steve Job's passing, but this has nothing to do with it. So on to what I have to say (cuz that's why we are all here. I think this blog is making me a bit egocentric). Life has been tricky lately as  I continue to search for a fulltime job, or at least a job that I can start paying on some student loans soon. As the time approaches when I'll have to start paying on them, the more stressful it gets, and the more trusting in God in starting to get harder. But then God sent me a little message about this all.

As I was driving to Columbus for a funeral I was flipping through radio stations. It turns out the my presets from NE Ohio don't work in central Ohio... shocking I know. (Side note, the funeral was for a man I never met but father of a friend. His name was Rich and after hearing about his life I truly can't wait to meet that man in heaven. Inspire man who's life was taken to soon but I know God will use.) As I scanned to the right for the 20th time in the last few minutes (music ADD) I heard a preacher. Typically I'm not prone to listening to radio preachers but I was intrigued for whatever reason. I stopped to listen. He was talking about Job. He said one thing that went directly to my heart and then my head(the usual route things take for me) and I started to think about it. During the entire time Job was being basically tortured by Satan, God never spoke to him. Job pleaded and begged at times and had no idea, yet God was silent, and Job was faithful. Talk about a challenge from God. Here I am whining because I've been praying for the last few months about a job and not heard anything (ironic that Job and job are spelled the same huh) and Job was devastated. EVERYTHING he had was taken from him. Including his family and health, yet he was faithful to God through it all, even though he heard nothing. Maybe I need to rethink my frustration towards God!

So here's the plan... to trust God. To trust Him if I lose my job and go bankrupt, to trust God if I get some disease, to trust God if I lose my friends and family, to trust God if I'm laying on my death bed feeling I'm to young to die. While these seem maybe a bit extreme, I've realized that as much as I may fear the unknown, I don't need to. I simply need to trust. As much as I have no idea what the next month or week holds, much less the next few years, I don't need to. Yeah I want a job and I want to move to Columbus and I want to do the things that I think will make my life happy, I must trust that the plan God has for me are so far beyond what I could ever imagine. I am confident that when I look back at this post years from now that I will chuckle a bit. I will think to myself, man if you only knew back then what I know now. But I can't get there unless I trust God and just give it to Him and let it go. Regardless of what may happen the rest of my life, I know the end and I know the final outcome. What amazing joy to know that we need not worry about our futures because we have a God who loves us so much and knows exactly the things we need.

Well it is time for this long winded writer to be done. As always I'd love to hear from you if you have anything to say. I encourage you to comment on here or email me at optimisticprime15@gmail.com. With much love and prayer,
OptimisticPrime

Sometimes we enter into a relationship...

So recently, between reading through Psalms and David's relationship with God and a blog I read, I came to a realization about myself. It started after I read a blog
( http://calebhickerson.wordpress.com/2011/08/31/repentance/  this blog in fact. Check it out). At one point he says how God wanted him to have a relationship and love God. Whether he intended it to mean this or God spoke to me through that, it made me think. What have my relationships looked like and what has my relationship with God looked like.

 Lets start by looking at a relationship with a woman. First, I pursue her. I make sure she knows I'm interested in her. I do things so that I can be close to her. And then I make sacrifices so that I can do things with her. And then I thought about my relationship with God. I sit. I talk to Him and I read some of the things He has to say. But do I pursue Him? Wow, what a realization I had. Granted I like God and I wanna be near Him and be in his presence, but where is the urgency and desire? I don't sacrifice other things to be near Him. For girlfriend I may skip doing something I wanted to do to be able to be with her. With God, I try to see where the crack in my schedule are so that I can try and stuff God in there.

 I've known for a long time that I have issues with prioritizing God, but this somewhat slapped my in the face. The things I am willing to do for someone who is human and I will be with for, at most, 60 or 70 years. Why am I not willing to do that for my creator. For the God that loves me so much, He is willing to let me make stupid mistake in order for my love for Him to be real. He loved me so much that died in order for me to continue to live. He was a perfect example of love and of what I should desire to be, yet I still find myself trying to fit God into my already tightly packed schedule.

I have talked about how, if we pursue God that life and joy and happiness flows from that. However, you can see how well I practice some of the things I know. It's just hard for me to first seek God and just simply trust that He will provide time and energy for the rest. But He does, and He will. I must learn to pursue and seek God, like He will pursue me. Praise God that He is so great, even when I am so ... not great.

Love ya'll

OptimisticPrime

More From My Readings

So I’ve finally finished reading C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity. Again, if you haven’t read that book or haven’t read it in a while please consider picking it up, or repicking it up as it may be. Either way, this book has been challenging and enlightening for me. The beginning of the book discusses the validity of Christ and whether or not He could be a Savior and God. The latter part of the book starts to challenge maybe some of the ideas of Christianity that I know I had and perhaps you have too. Things that made me reevaluate my Christian walk and my life as a “Christian.” It has been really good for me and again I encourage you to read it. If you want a copy please contact me and I may be able to help you out. 

Anyhow, a few things kind stuck out to me in the last few chapters and it’s something I wanted to do a short blog about. First there is the idea that Christianity a fix to your problems. Perhaps, but as C.S. Lewis explains, it goes beyond the problems we see. The thing is, when we ask God to change us, He is not looking to just change the things we know are wrong. When we ask for Him and seek Him, He is going to shake our world. C.S. Lewis uses the analogy of a house. He moves in and fixes the immediate issues. He stops the dripping pipes and leaking roof and all the things we saw were bad, but He doesn’t stop there. He starts making renovations. These are, often, not easy things and we can’t not see exactly what He is doing. We see this cottage we think should be there, but He is creating a palace to live in. It doesn’t make sense to us, but He sees it. This has been what has started happening in my life over the past almost year now. He has come in and stopped all the things that I knew were wrong, but then He went beyond. He started making me uncomfortable. I didn’t mind the things I knew were wrong and I thought I was good then. However, He broke my heart, that didn’t seem to necessary. It was, however, exactly what was necessary to teach my things I didn’t know I needed to learn.  Another example from my personal life is this whole job situation. I think I have enough patience, yet here God is testing my patience and growing it. It’s uncomfortable and at times it sucks a lot. But I have to trust that He knows what he’s doing. It’s been tough but an incredible blessing to see God changing me in places and growing me in ways I didn’t know where necessary or needed changing. I am so in love with a God who is willing to break me at times to grow me into what I need to be. 

It was also interesting in the last few chapters where Lewis talks about blessings. One things Jesus said was, and I am paraphrasing, that it is harder for a richer man to get into heaven than for camel to go through the eye of a needle. Well that’s not problem, cuz I’m definitely not rich. However, Lewis goes on to explain that it can be riches in other areas of your life. For me, I have an amazing family who I love. I’ve grown up in a good environment and even had a Christian up bringing. This whole Christianity thing should be a cake walk. However, it has been far from that and for many years I was far from the example of a Christian man. So God allowed me to make some horrible mistakes and do a lot of stupid things. He allowed me to make myself much poorer than I was in that area in order to be able to see my need to seek and desire Him. How awesome is a God that knows me that well! Just amazing. 

Well, like I said before, you should read or reread Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It has been an awesome book for me. Whether you are a “new” Christian, “old” Christian, or non-Christian, it’s worth picking up. And as always, please contact me with any questions, comments or concerns. My e-mail address is optimisticprime15@gmail.com. And let me know if you want a copy of Mere Christianity and I will do my best to help you out. 

With love always,

Optimisticprime 

A Short Sabbatical...

So it's been a while. No I wasn't on a sabbatical, I'm just a habitual slacker. BUT God has been doing some cool stuff and teaching me a lot and since I have a soap box... I'm going to tell whoever stops by to listen. As with the theme of the rest of my life God has been doing a lot of work with me in the areas of patients and love. I've been reading a book (and you should too because it's been amazing) called Mere Christianity. If you haven't read it you should. It's by C.S. Lewis who also wrote the Chronicles of Narnia. He was an atheist who became a Christian. But this book has been both challenging and eye opening to me.

First things first. One of the biggest things that has hit me in the book in my need to stop focusing on the wrong things. My focus has been on myself, on people around me, on school, work, etc... All of these things are bad things to be looking at, but they won't change my life. It hit me reading last week that the only thing I can do is focus on Christ. EVERY part of me should be focusing on Him. His glory, His love, His faithfulness. All else flows from that. My ability to love other and serve others flows from that. My desire and passion flows from that. Even things like my stress over getting a job and having an ability to live will be satisfied and flow from my focus on Christ. It's such a freeing feeling to know that if I simply focus on Christ and make Him my sole number 1 desire and focus, that life will flow from that. This doesn't mean that I won't have struggles or pain or anything like that. It simply means that He will supply 100% of what I need. And when I do that, He will be 100% glorified. When I can push myself aside and everything else away from the forefront of my vision, God provides the rest and is glorified. 

From that I realized that I have to stop being so worried about my future. I've been so impatient with God on getting me a job. (Side note for what I'm about to write, I live about 2 1/2 from my girlfriend) On wanting to live closer to my girlfriend because long distance just stinks. But then I realized I was focusing on myself. If I am patient, focus on Christ, all that will flow from it. He will provide exactly what I need and exactly when I need it and all this is building who I am so that I can serve Him. It's NOT about ME. PERIOD! How freeing and liberating is that? I love my Creator who has giving me everything I need to serve Him. What a absolute glorious God and speechless feeling. 

How great is God :D. As always if you ever have any questions or want to tell me something or simply want to vent, you are always welcome to do one of two things. You can leave a comment on here and I will respond. The second thing you can do is to email me at optimisticprime15@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you and will do my best to respond to whatever or be an ear to listen.

Ok now I want some feedback... hopefully... if people actually read this. Anyhow. As you can tell I'm bad at this whole spontaneously writing and it tends to come and go a little. So I was thinking about doing like a weekly or biweekly blog instead of whenever I decide to. Just a thought and wanted some feedback, for real this time. 

With love,

Optimisticprime 

I Will Praise You in This Storm...

"I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm" -Casting Crowns


These lyrics have been powerful in my life. It hasn't been until recently, however, that I was able to find the power of praising good through rough parts of my life. I know I'm twenty some years old, how do I know what rough is? I'm not saying my life is rough, but it hasn't all GREAT either. But anyhow, I'm getting ahead of myself. What I'm trying to say is I've looked at this song often when life is (for me anyhow so far) really tough. I have learned to praise God then (which may be another blog all together). It's also easy for me to praise God when things are GREAT and everything is fitting. But what about the times when everything is ok and things just are...


This is where I currently am. I'm fresh outta college, I have the world at my fingertips, but I have no idea where to go. It's easy for me to praise God when things are under control or when things are completely outta control that God is my only answer. It's when things are just out of my reach. I need a job, plain and simple. I want to be able to pay off all my loans and debts so I can be free for God to use me. But I have been doing everything I can to get a job. I have been talking to people. I have been putting in applications. I I I I I I I... This is where I am starting to realize my problem. I need to start trusting God with EVERY part of my life. That doesn't mean stop trying to get a job, but I do need to start praying about it A LOT more. It's easy to pray when I have an interview, "God help this go well, blah, blah, blah (ok not exactly how I pray). or when I have a tough decision. But here, now, I find it so hard to let go of the stress and worry and KNOW that God is in control. I was just telling a good friend that I know God will take me where He needs me and allow this and that, yet I try so hard to assume what He is going to do. At least I think I told him, I may have simply thought htis during our discussion. Regardless, it's true. I have my future all planned out, and I'm trying to do everything in my power to make it happen. And, I know I told my friend this, is what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid God is going to use this situation to stretch me and my faith. Partly afraid because I know it'll hurt, but I also know that if He does, what I will be after this.


Imagine a God that has our best interest in mind regardless of what we see. A God that knows what we need even when we don't. A very wise brother of mine once told me, we see the trees but God sees the forest. This idea, that even when we think we know what is best, God still know better. To have a faith in my God like that... Man that is what I desire. I want to have that kind of faith in God. I hope you do as well. I hope you know the freedom in knowing that God is in control, even when life is not. In writing this blog, I have finally started to feel that again. Thank you all for baring with me through this reflection time... but man, I don't have to worry. I can apply and talk to people and look for jobs, but my stress isn't there because God WILL provide. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt (at least for the time being, until Satan helps me doubt) that even if I end up jobless within the next few months that God has something going on and He still will provide. Now that is a little extreme and I hope He doesn't, but that is the kinda faith we see in the Bible and the kinda faith we should have. 


You know it's amazing how my blogs never end up where I thought the would when I start. O well, it was good for me. I hope you were able to get a little something as well. Something I haven't said before is if you ever have any question about what I talk about or faith or God or any of this jazz, please, feel free to contact me. I hope to stay somewhat anonymous so  e-mai at optimisticprime15@gmail.com (who knew someone else would use optimisticprime...). I don't
promise to have all the answer, or any of the answers, but I will do my best to point you in the right
direction or in contact with someone who has more answers than me. 


As always with love,
Optimistic Prime

You know what really grinds my gears?

So I've decided to rant. I've been really frustrated about this topic for a long time and now I have a small, very very small, pedestal from which to rant. I told you that not every topic on my blog would be about my faith. A majority? Yes, because it's a huge aspect in my life. However, this one was just waiting to burst. OK, enough with the preamble to this declaration of insanity and here goes. For all you who hate sports, this is about sports, however, don't give up just yet.

So this whole OSU debacle has come about and made me wonder what what is going on. I've thought about this and about college sports and professional sports and all that. Here, what I think, is the issue. WE ARE. Every sports fan who pays ridiculous amounts of money for games and memorabilia. Some may say "supply and demand." You are exactly right, and that is the issue. If we did have sports as such a high priority and idolize these athletes would all this be such an issue? It says something when our country is in the midst of a recession and pro athletes want more money. When so many people don't have jobs yet we still pack the seats for Saturday and Sunday football. I'm no less to blame then anyone else because this summer I'm be sporting my Tigers apparel and next fall my U of M gear and Wings paraphernalia. ( I wonder if I can use another word for sports stuff?) When it comes down to it, we value sports A LOT and students in college are going to be focused on there sports over their academics in to many cases because of what we did. It's not just OSU (and no I'm not writing this because I'm a Michigan fan). It was Michigan at one point in basketball, and look at Newton and Bush. If you wanna make money off of your college career, WAIT FOUR YEARS. I guess greed may have a little to do with it too (still think that's our society too). College should not be about what you can make off of what you did on the field, that's why these rules are in place. You should be there to GET AN EDUCATION. That's what college is for, right? Maybe I missed the point my five years (I liked it so much I extended my stay). Needless to say I think that it's all kinda silly either way. The fact that people are so angry about this whole situation speaks to what I've just said. Think about this as I end this horribly controversial blog. How many of you read my blogs before and liked them or did like them or whatever and didn't comment? Until this point, how many of you were about to comment just now? What does that say? (Please still feel free to comment as always)

Ok I will end it hear. I love you readers regardless if you agree or disagree with this blog. I know that you may now think that I am a total fool for even thinking that this blog, this one particularly or the whole blasted thing, was a good idea. Either way, I hope that this doesn't split my small, limited readership. I know that this may make some of you very angry and I hope that you can take a deep breath and come back and see me for my next blog. But know that this is just one lonely mans opinion. In the grand scheme of things, it won't win my friends or save any souls. I hope you understand I just want you to think about this whole situation from a perspective that you, perhaps, didn't see. In the end, I still think love is important. Beyond the football, the baseball, the basketball, and (for the limited few) the hockey. Many of us enjoy sports to much for this to probably change any time soon. Even now as I finish this up I wonder why I even bothered to write something about this when it has no value on our eternal salvation. Will this help me to influence any of your lives? Paul didn't believe in some of the Jewish customs, yet he did them so he could relate. So, again, take a deep breath and PLEASE come back for a blog when I talk about things that I think TRULY matter, or perhaps I'll rant on something meaningless again. Either way I'll try to make it somewhat entertaining.

WITH LOVE,
                 Optimistic Prime (I think I shall start signing my blogs like this. Yes or no?)

LOVE THIS!!!

I've posted this a lot but it helps to remind me how to love, enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WybvhRu9KU

What is Love... Part 2...1/2 or something.

So I was thinking about this whole love thing today and just started thinking about God's love for me. It made me think about the unconditionality (yes I use my own made up words from time to time) of it. I think that it may have been implied but I think I want to say it. Our love of other people should be similar to that of God's for us. No we can't do it perfect, because we aren't perfect. However, I think it's important to see the humanity in people. A few weeks ago, ok months ago, we talked about forgiveness in church. One of the important things we talked about was seeing the humanity of those who have hurt us. At that point we can begin to forgive. There is a lot more context to that that is important, however, I think seeing the humanity in people can also help us love people. It can help us to love them beyond the flaws we see. Love them regardless of the mistakes we think they make. As I sit here on my lunch break and work and just looking at some of the people I work with that I can find hard to love. It's important for me to a) see their humanity and realize they are no more or less of a human than me and b) to love them despite what I don't like and despite what they may do. Why? Because that's how God loved me. Not because what I can do for Him or what I can bring to His table, but because He's crazy about me and thinks the world of me because I am me. Exactly as I am. It's a strange concept to think about love people for no reason and I don't think it's cultural at all. We are born looking for people to give us something to make us like them. Anyhow, this entry is starting to ramble and my break is almost up. Time to go love some people. Next time you get angry and frustrated with someone, stop and see their humanity. To those of you who read this, I love you guys.

What is love... Part 2

Well I wanted to update my blog much sooner. However, for the past almost week I've been gone and just recently go back into town. For those of you who are interested, it was a great weekish. So my last blog I left is somewhat of a cliff hanger. So I will attempt to answer what I believe it is to love. Or at least the small understanding that I have from what God has taught me.

I grew up, as I said, in a Mennonite church. While there was a lot of good in my church, there was also some legalism (not isolated to Mennonite churches by any means, just my experience). There was a lot of making sure you do the right things and follow all the right "rules" especially on Sunday. That leads to a whole other topic on a 24/7 Christian life, however, back to my topic that I will actually finish...maybe. All these rules just seemed to lead to judgement. I look at people and what they were or weren't doing. It was almost normal to sit around with friends and just talk about people. "Did you hear what ______ did?" All these things that were just tearing people down, and ultimately, destroying the church. It wasn't until I started to learn what love was that I realized that this was just selfish and wrong. So what did I learn? I learned that I need to see the good in people. I need to see past the things I think. Nowhere in the Bible does it tell me that I should judge my brothers and sisters. It does say I should love. I also realized that Matthew 7:3 was very relevant to my life. I was spending so much time look at others that I missed myself. Often the things that bothered me in others were things I saw in myself. However, what I truly needed to do was learn to love myself and then love others. Love was not seeing what people did wrong, but loving them and caring about them despite it. Once I began to learn that, it was amazing how my attitude towards people changed. I no longer was angry or bitter at them, but I was longing for them to feel loved. It was no longer about what they did or didn't do, but what I could do so that they know I love them. I do not claim that I do this perfect, or even well, but God is working on me still, and forever will be. But learning to see people through God's eyes and not through mine is one of the biggest steps in my faith I think I've ever made. There is so much that can be done and such an impact if we simply loved. Imagine if all those who said they were Christians loved in the way Christ did. What kind of impact would that have? A good place to start is by looking at yourself and to be an example of Christ's love to the world.

On a lighter note, I've graduated college, finally. It only took me five years... Any ideas what to do with my life now?